Divorce, effect on the Sons

Divorce

Children have a difficult time with divorce.  Parents do not consider the ramifications of the effects of the divorce.  Helping minimize the emotion turmoil the children will go through, parents need to understand and help their children to cope with all the relating issue that will insure.  Remember, children do not get divorced from their parents, and parents are not getting a divorce from their children.

In an ideal world, a boy lives with his mother and his father, experiences a sense of belonging; he grows up to be a well-adjusted person.  When parents no longer live together, the boy life becomes complicated.

Boys are more likely to react to parents' divorce with anger, academic problems, truancy, or aggressive behaviour than girls, who may try to please adults by suppressing feelings. 

Boys are more likely to suffer from depression when the father leaves the home, especially when a boy is not able to spend time with him consistently.
Boys may also lose connection with a mother because she must work longer hours to provide for the family and keep a home running.
Boys may assume blame for the break-up of a family.

Emotion and financial support

Most divorce men are far more likely than women to maintain their standard of living after a divorce, while women (who still tend to have custody of children) find that their economical levels fall significantly. 

Moving to neighbourhoods and schools that are less safe and stable may account for some of the problems boys have in the aftermath of a divorce. 

It is critically important that fathers continue to offer emotional and financial support to their sons after divorce.

Mothers must stop turning their children against their fathers
Thousands of divorced fathers are eliminated from their children's lives because of the 'implacable hostility' of mothers with custody

Encourage Emotional Awareness
Boys often mask their emotions in order to appear manly. Boys may want to protect their parents and may refuse to talk about their own pain, grief, and worry, or they may act out their feelings by misbehaving. One of the best ways to help your son through difficult times is to encourage him to identify his emotions and to talk about them. Let him know that no matter how tired or anxious you may be, you always have time to listen to him.

Your attitude is also an important factor in how your son adjusts to divorce. If you consider yourself a victim or look for someone to blame, your son will mirror your beliefs. If you face your challenges, seek healing and help for yourself, and do your best to move into a new life, your son will learn from you.

Divorce is a loss for everyone in the family. You will grieve; so will your son. But you can also help each other stay connected, look for the positive, and hang on to your optimism and faith. 

Don't try to fix your son's feelings: You cannot do that, no matter how much you love him. But you can offer understanding, encouragement, and support. A wise person once said that a family is any circle of people who love each other. You can make sure that your son always has a loving, connected family

Making the most of visitations

Having a quality relationship with the kids after a divorce requires you to spend the time needed. 

Father reasons for their loss of contact with their children after divorce

Access difficulties

Father's decision to cease contact

Practical difficulties (distance, finances, work schedule)

Child(ran) not wanting contact

Legal injunction

Early pattern of no contact (prohibiting future contact)

The most frequently used was the difficulties relating to access, many stressed the importance of the support and encouragement of their ex-wives to develop the new parental role.

The fathers who received little or no confirmation of their roles as "fathers" by their ex-wives are the ones that became disengaged from their children's life.

Fathers mentioned practical difficulties in exercising access which included the problems of distance, transport, finance, work schedule or the lack of adequate accommodation, only as a secondary factor in their loss of contact. 

Some fathers referred to the lack of confirmation by their children, or the children increasingly distancing themselves from their father after the divorce.  

Some fathers mentioned the legal system that prohibited them contacting their children.

Fathers that have not been able to overcome a pattern of diminished or no contact established immediately following the divorce.

Being there

Children need their fathers to be actively involved in their lives. Divorce can cause a distance, both physically and mentally, between a father and his children. Try to overcome this distance by making an effort to spend quality time with your children. Your actions directly affect the development of your children. Children need loving and supportive, active parents in order to realize their potential.