Your purpose in life

 

Your purpose in life

It is essential to have a purpose in life. It gives you a reason to get up in the mornings.  Purpose can give one a sense off direction in ones life and give meaning to a life that would be utterly and totally boring and pointless.  It makes one more focused and gives us the ability to make and achieve goals that we want to set up for ourselves.  For some it is connected to work.  Where we get a lot of satisfaction in doing it. If you not happy in your job maybe it is time to find something else that you will enjoy doing. To some it is connected to family responsibilities.  To others is in their religion believes.  To some it would be all of the above.  I would say our purpose is our partner but I changed my mind.  We cannot depend on others to make us happy.  A relationship should start whereby both people are happy and as the relationship grows so does the shared happiness.  We are responsible for our own happiness as we are responsible for sorting out our own insecurities and lack of confidence.   With a purpose it will help us deal with our insecurities.  It will also boost our confidence.

In fact everything has a purpose.  Even a purpose has a purpose.  Everything that has happened to us and everything that will happen to us has a purpose.  Every heartbreak, every disappointment, every failure and every joy and success.  We need to learn from all of this and we need to put ourselves out there because if we don’t we will never experience how wonderful life is and experience the joy of being alive.

The purpose in a relationship is not to have someone that completes us but to have someone that shares our completeness.

In order to have completeness in ourselves first we need to connect with yourselves first.  Acknowledge the good and bad in oneself.  Work on the things that need to change.  Fight the depression and the loneliness. There are many ways to connect to whom we are and by doing so we come to know whom we are.  Without self awareness we will not able to make changes.  The things we need to change in order to become the person we want to be.  That is how we can complete ourselves.  Then we can connect to others.  Again as with everything these connections require work.  They require our attention, care and nurturing to grow into meaningful relationships.

Connections that are needed for a long term relationship.  The initial connection is the physical attraction which is really important. The emotional connection is been able to share everything with each other especially things that make you feel very vulnerable.  If you both can do this it shows that your relationship is heading in the right direction.  If not your relationship still needs time to grow. Again this type of connection takes time and effort.  The social connection.  Sharing interest.  Doing activities together and both really enjoy doing it.  Becoming friends. Connection where you find your are both on the same wave length.  The last connection is where you both feel that you are meant to be together.  The more connections that you have will result in you having a very successful relationship.

I use relationship as an example because  is what most people are looking for.  There are right and wrong reason to embark on a relationship.  For a relationship to succeed is to be complete before looking for that partner.  For a relationship to grow it entails a lot of hard work and that never stops.  It requires staying power through the bad times.

We are complete in ourselves. But sometimes it takes a life time for us to understand this. For every doubt that breeds in our own mind, we have a confident thought to balance it! There is light within all of us but sometimes we choose to see only the darkness. We are strong in ourselves but sometimes we choose weakness. Because at the end of the day to have felt sadness means we are capable of discovering happiness too!

Avijeet Das

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DO YOU NEED TO BE IN LOVE?

DO YOU NEED TO BE IN LOVE?  ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING IN LOVE?  DO YOU JUST TAKE LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND WAIT TILL LOVE COMES TO YOU?

People are not meant to be alone.  That does not mean you have to be in love so that you are not alone anymore.  Yes we have a need to be loved and in our life and there are people that we do love and love us back.  Our mother and father. Our sisters and brothers and our friends and even our lover.  Now we have to love our lover in a certain way.  It must be our soulmate but it has been already established that our soulmate does not have to have a romantic or sexual connection to it.  It is more spiritual. 

There are many animals that stay together until one of them dies.  They will mourn the passing of their mate and will then stay alone for the rest of their life’s.  Did they need to be in “love”?  Are they more capable to “love” than we are.  How do they manage to stay together for a life time?  Do they have expectations from their partner?  Do they fight and have disagreements?  There are people who would say that animals do not have the capabilities to love then what is it then that obviously works better than human love?

Having animals has taught me lots.  They require food and water.  They require attention from me.  They don’t give a shit how I look or dress.  They stay close to me when I am sad.  They don’t hold grudges when I am in a bad mood.  Each of them has a different personality.  Each of them shows their affections in different ways.  Each of them demand in their own way that I give them their cuddles each day. So????

The universe has created male and female to reproduce so the race does not die out but you do not need to be in love to create another being.  It is just a natural instinct to mate.  You do not have to be in love with your partner to enjoy many years together.  So why does society deemed it necessary that we fall in love with out partners and get married?

So both parties want was does not exist.  It only exist in romance novels and movies. What they have is really shallow love that caters for their own needs and desires or some will say it is being in love with love.

Relationships happen backward these days.  You meet someone.  You go on a date with them.  You make a connection with them.  You are physically attracted to them.  There might be other factors that contribute to this attraction.  The atmosphere and the drinks.  You end up in bed with them on the first date.  For the next couple of months it is all about sex and there is no time to get to know the person and when the sex starts to slow down there is a loss of what to say and do?  You start wondering why you are with this person in the first place.  For all intense of purpose the wrong way to go about it.  I am being harsh in this? Many times the backward approach to finding someone to love will work but most times it does not.

Have you ever thought of getting an android partner. Sit before you pc and put in all your requirements that will makes you happy.

Sex, height, weight, hair colour, eye colour, age and race.  Your ideal partner ... your soul mate for life.  Press enter when done.  The good thing about an android partner there is no need for separation or divorce.  Just shut your partner off by a press of a button or just reprogram it depending on you and how you change as you grow older.

Sorry folks this does not exist so for now you have to do the work on a relationship to make it work.  Anything worth while comes with a high price.

People that have been alone for a while find it more difficult to make a relationship work.  The tolerance for another person becomes non existent.  One becomes too set in one ways and there is no compromising when situations get out of hand.  Toe the line or get out.  Go over the line once you are out.  Make any show of going over that line and you are out.  That is how bad it gets.  The only person you need to think of is yourself when you are alone.  Having to accommodate another persons feelings and respect their space becomes a major problem and an inconvenience which will not be tolerated at any cost.  All the advantages of having someone does not seem to be worth the cost of having to put up with the other person.  Rember the other person is in a similar position as you so the combined situation is lethal unless the partner is much younger than you.  Wow for the first time really you convince yourself you are in love.  The truth of the matter you probably have never felt the need before to be in love . 

This younger person wants to be with you.  It makes you feel great that a younger person has taken an interest in you.  Having a younger person be interested in you is very flattering to your altar ego.  The rules of the game has changed.  You actually loose yourself because you become scared that they will leave you.  Does this type of relationship last?  Time will tell.  The truth of the matter every relationship needs loads of work on it.  If you not prepared to work at a relationship don’t bother getting into a relationship at all.  People do not stay the same.  They are changing all the time.  Even you are changing.  The whole purpose of life is to grow

Lets talk about packages that have been collected over the years that make it even more difficult to be tolerant in a new relationship.  Recognising signs that made previous relationships go bad.  Bailing out at the first signs that things are getting a bit sour instead of working at it and dealing with it and solving it.  The reality is that you never loved that person.  They meet all your requirements on your check list.  They made you feel special in many ways but one problem is you never cared for them.  You never accepted them for themselves. It was a very much one sided relationship.  Being in love is not about how much you can get out of the relationship but wanting the other person happiness above all else and if they love you for real they be there for you through thick and thin.  The best of both, your best friend and lover ..yin & yan

Dating is supposed to be fun.  Date as many people as possible.  Enjoy life to the fullest.  Have a friend with benefits on the side.  Don't go on a date for the first time and then think this is your soul mate.  It will not work.  Take baby steps one at a time.  Learn to love being alone.  Learn to love yourself.  Don't think of being alone as a fault.  Use it to learn about yourself.  Don't rely on another to make you happy.

Solitude is enjoying your freedom of being alone to cherish the freedom of not having responsibilities and having to defend every thing you do to another. Feelings of loneliness is a sign of depression and discontentment in ones own life.  That is the difference.

What happens when you grow older and the sexual attraction has died?  Would it not be wonderful just to be able to be together and enjoy the solitude together? Just a random thought …

Getting into a relationship because you are lonely will fail.  Join a club.  Take up hobbies but for god sake don't go into a relationship...it has all the ingredients for failure. Your goal is to find your true soulmate.  Soulmate is not as it is reflected in movies and love novels.  They are you soulmate as they share a connection that seemed to have been made before either of you of even met.  It does not need to be romantic or physical.  It is like meeting the other side of yourself and the bonding happens instantly.  You feel completed as never before.

Expectations are dangerous in a relationship.  It puts a lot of stress on the relationship.  Acceptance is the keyword in a relationship.  Of course there will be things about your partners that you will not like and visa versa.  This is part of the package that your partner comes with.  It has made them who they are.  The reason you felt attracted to them in the first place.  You cannot change them.  If your partner needs to change in any way which will be a benefit to themselves and not to you.  Then the change must be made by themselves.

Am I in love? What is love? Why do you love me? Do I need to be in love or am I more in love with the idea about being in love?  There are many words attached to love.  Love is not a recipe where you gather all the ingredients together and then make the finished goods.  It is how you feel inside, you will do anything for that person because your focus has changed.  It is all about the other person happiness.  You shine from the inside out.  You want to dance and sing.  You a much better person to be around.  Your heart fells like it is going to explode when you with this person.  As you get to know this person things begin to change.  There will be things that irritate you about them and vice versus.  Remember this not why you felt attracted to them in the first place.  It is not why you fall in love with them either.  It is a time now to communicate to get over these hurdles.  It is a time to learn about the other person.  To be honest, to agree and disagree.  They are not so like you as you thought they were.  They are different but in some areas the same. Now the hard work begins.  If you are not prepared to do this you should of just curled up with a romance novel where they live happily ever after.

A relationship will have good times and bad times.  You cannot avoid this.  It is how both of you deal with it together.  For now you are  together you are not alone anymore.  Remember this  … don’t let go of each other.  Withering the good, that is easy. Withering the bad, harder but doable.

It is what you put into life is what you will get out.  The more you invest in higher risks the bigger the return one will get out but you also face a bigger loss when you do this.  Life is short so the only way is to live is in the moment.  Life is not meant to be taken for granted and neither is the person you love ……

 

THAT SPECIAL ONE

 Breast Cancer Awareness - Lynsey Ritchie

roseandcale.co.uk

Breast Cancer Awareness – Lynsey Ritchie

by Diana | Oct 21, 2020 | Newborn |

Breast Cancer Month

We have all somehow been touched by Breast Cancer, whether directly or indirectly, someone you love or someone you know. Something frightening and scary, a disease that is faced by many. Since it is Breast Cancer Month, I am showing support to the woman who are going through/have gone through, this challenging and life changing time in their lives.

One mum’s journey directly impacted me. I first met Lynsey in 2018 when I took newborn images of her 4th baby son. It wasn’t until the December of 2019 that I found out Lynsey had been diagnosed and was living with breast cancer. I had been offering nomination sessions at the time, to be able to give back to people who were loved and appreciated. Lynsey had been nominated by her adoring friends and a session date was set for February this year at my studio, Rose & Cale Photography, in Bridgeton.

So much positivity

The one thing that struck me immediately, was Lynsey’s enthusiasm and positivity. No matter what she had been through, not a negative word was spoken. We had such a good Family session but it was decided at the end, to take some photos of Lynsey’s scars to show off her mastectomy. She wore those scars proudly and with determination. It was a very uplifting and positive experience for me personally. I had, and still do, a lot of admiration for this fierce strong woman.

Lynsey’s Journey

So in support of Lynsey and her efforts to raise awareness, I wanted to direct you to some of her stories as well as her appearance on BBC Breakfast.

These are the News Articles that document Lynsey’s journey:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1scsvqMP6kwKY4wQ7BvB6kN/thanks-for-the-mammaries-why-one-woman-threw-a-farewell-party-for-her-breasts
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-51036078

Lynsey also runs her own Facebook page which documents her journey and the awareness she is raising.

Please follow her and her page to see how inspirational she is. Fighting strong day by day.

Be Aware & self check

Should you wish to look up more information on Breast Cancer, the signs and how to check, please follow the links below:

Breast Cancer Now

Macmillan Cancer Support

BreastCancer.org

If you have been affected by Breast Cancer or you would like to leave a comment, please feel free.

COVID-19 VACCINE IN SOUTH AFRICA

 SOUTH AFRICA AND THE COVID-19 VACCINE

 

The COVID-19 vaccine developed by the drug called Pfizer and BioNTech is 95% effective in preventing the COVD-19.  This vaccine needs to be stored below minus 70 degree Celsius.  If not kept at this temperature, they can become spoiled and become less affective.

Large hospitals in cities of America are buying expensive ultra-cold freezer in order to store their COVID-19 vaccines.  Pfizer and BioNTech need to apply for an emergency license from the US regulator, the Food and Drug Administration.

The only ultra-cold freezers that South Africa has is a few at large research institution, i.e. the National Institute for Communicable Disease

 

South Africa is unlikely to be able afford to buy enough freezers in order to store the vaccine.

The vaccines that are used in the immunisation programme have to be kept at certain temperature.

This is already a big challenge in itself.

 

Why the vaccine needs to be stored at extremely low temperatures.  This is how the vaccine is made.  The vaccine uses pieces of man-made genetic material known as messenger ribonucleic acid, or mRNA, that instructs our bodies to make protein around our RNA which is under attack from the virus.  This helps it to be able to produce antibodies and fights of the virus that causes COVD-19.

These mRNA have to be stored in extremely low temperatures or they face the risk of becoming damaged.

 

Getting the vaccine into the country is one thing, storing it is another and making sure that people who need it get it is a major problem as it will not widely available to the people in South Africa.

Another problem, there has been no vaccine using the mRNA messenger has been licensed for human use.

And another problem, the more people vaccinated the better chance of the COVID-19 can be contained.  Not enough people will get the vaccine in order for this to happen.

And even though South Africa is only expecting to get enough COVID vaccines for around 5% of its population by next year, and a large rollout to the general public will likely only come in the next two years.

“I think getting the vaccine is a simple thing. Getting the vaccine out to the people who need it is the challenge and we don’t have a great track record in even getting routine vaccines to the communities that need them most.”

 

REFERENCE:  https://bhekisisa.org/health-news-south-africa/2020-11-13-cold-truth-south-africa-wont-be-able-to-store-pfizers-covid-vaccine-heres-why/

EMPATHY

 

EMPATHY

 

I asked someone what empathy means and I was told it means it is feeling the feelings of

other people.  The answer was simple.

 

I been hearing this word a lot lately and I have a basic idea of it but I wanted to know more about empathy.  Usually nothing is simple if it is worth anything especially when it comes to feelings and relationships.

 

People that have empathy:-
· They are more concerned about others than themselves
· They put another’s needs before their own
· They are compassionate
· They are comfortable being their True Self regardless of who they’re with
· They are comfortable with their vulnerabilities
· They are highly resilient and emotionally flexible

For me it this, when I have a connection with a person, I am drawn to that person.  It can be someone I know or even a complete stranger.  Firstly it is their facial expression and their body language.  I don’t really have to know how they are feeling by their voice.  This is just a confirmation of what I already felt.  It is the nonverbal signs that I pick up.

It is another matter if I am speaking to someone over WhatsApp, skype.  I can’t see them so how they sound is very important.  Their voice goes flat, they don’t seem themselves.
People I know very well just have to say hello and I immediately pick it up. 

Yes one has to be in tune with one’s own feelings.  We need to understand our own emotions.  I feel that I can pick up people’s emotions as I find empathy is lacking towards me in my own life.  Yes I get sympathy but I never had anybody feel what I was I am feeling and connected with me on this level.  They might go through the same experience but for all purpose they can never see that I have gone down the same path.

For me the art is to become an observer.  This is not because I don’t care because I care too much.  It is not about me anymore.  It is about the other person.  The main thing is to engage and listen, and really listen. 

The one time I was in a shop at the checkout counter and this woman came in, got what she wanted to purchase and was standing beside me.  I immediately sensed that something was wrong.  It is none of my business, right.  No, I started to talk to her and asked her how she was.  She was very reluctant to start a conversation with me but them the damn burst inside her.  She was crying, her husband had been shot in a robbery and he was in critical condition in hospital.  They did not know if he would make it.  She went on to tell me how and when this happened.  I listened as she kept talking.  My heart was breaking.  I too ended up crying but I did not want her to see this.  She regained her composure and pulled herself together.  It was hard for her but all she really needed was someone she could talk too.  She left in a better state of mind than when she came in.  The teller asks me “how did you know that something was wrong?”

We know what people with empathy have, now for those that don’t.
· They are insensitive to others’ needs
· They act selfishly
· Behaviourally impulsive; decisions based on emotional impulse
· They are argumentative or always have to be “right”
· Quick to find fault in others
· Blame others for their own problems
· They hide their vulnerabilities or minimize them
· Struggle inter-personally
· Limited of Self-awareness

It is not easy to know when a person lacks empathy as these people have their own agenda for what they are doing by faking empathy.

Playing the hero by fixing someone’s problem and saving them is one form of a hidden agenda.  Or when a person encourages another to talk about their problems and can’t wait to spread it to others.  They are faking empathy.

False claims of how much empathy they have for others.  How at times it can be too much for them to deal with emotionally.  One thing about empathy for others one does not need to be praised for how caring one is for another.

They have no interest in another insecurity, depression or anxiety.  They cannot even relate to the person not like they don’t know how it is to feel insecure, even jealous, depressed or suffering from anxiety as they claim it is of no importance as they rarely feel any of these things.

A person that looks for a solution in relationships, even self-medicates, takes up hobbies that become compulsive, various other things that are self–sabotaging in order to forget, they using it disengage themselves on how they are truly feeling. This is regarded as not genuine empathy for themselves or other people.

Similarly, if a person uses chasing relationships, self-medicates, compulsively engaging in hobbies, or engages in any other self-sabotaging pattern as their go-to distraction — they are using these distractions to numb and disconnect which is often based on a self-serving agenda, not genuine empathy for themselves, or another.

 

Anything in moderation is good but when it becomes excess it is considered unhealthy and even toxic.

In the end, we have not enough empathy or too much empathy. To little means we are selfish and too much makes us at a risk of not been able to cope with what we are feeling emotionally.


References

Gardner, H. (1983). Frames of mind: The theory of multiple intelligences. New York: Basic Books.

Szczepek Reed, B. (2020). Reconceptualising mirroring: Sound imitation and rapport in naturally occurring interaction. Journal of Pragmatics, 167, 131–151.

 

Listen to your heart

Living in the moment