Do we need Men?

Men are not really need for both reproduction and parenting.  Women are not just becoming men's equals.  It’s increasingly clear that “mankind” itself is a gross misnomer: an uninterrupted, intimate and essential maternal connection defines our species.

The behaviour of mammals is how we bear and raise our young, 20% of our life span is the legal responsibility of our parents.

Meaning of mammals

1. a warm-blooded vertebrate animal of a class that is distinguished by the possession of hair or fur, females that secrete milk for the nourishment of the young, and (typically) the birth of live young.

Our choices in reproduction are expanding.  Women can reproduce without men.  The data on females raising children alone is encouraging.  It’s poverty that hurts children, not the number or gender of parents.

This is good, because its women that are both necessary and sufficient for reproduction.  Men are not.  

From the production of the first cell (egg) to the development of the foetus and the birth and breast-feeding of the child, fathers can be absent. They can be at work, at home, in prison or at war, living or dead.

Women body produces the egg that starts life.  She is the one to carry the baby for nine months.  The man part of conception only takes a few minutes of his time, and then he leaves......

The women are bonded to her baby as she breast feeds her baby. Even if she does not breast feed, and bottle feeds, it’s the women that take care of the baby mostly.  Rarely or seldom does the man share this with the woman?

A woman can have a baby without a man; she needs to secure sperm from a donor (living or dead).  The technology the self-impregnating woman needs is a straw or turkey baster, and the basic technique has not changed much since.   If all the men on earth died tonight, the species could continue on frozen sperm. If the women disappear, it’s extinction.

Ultimately the question is, does “mankind” really need men? With human cloning technology, just around the corner, and enough frozen sperm in the world to already populate many generations.

It’s true that men have traditionally been the breadwinners. But women more and more are becoming the bread winners, gaining better educations, and their numbers are growing. Men divorce their wives and the women are left to take care of the children, they are forced to be the head of the family, they are forced to be the breadwinners.  There are lots of divorced fathers out there that divorce their own kids, when they divorce their wives.  As a result their children are left without a father to raise them.  I don't care, for whatever reason the father is not there.  If the father is worth anything as a human being, he will do everything in his power to make sure, that his children don't grow up not knowing their fathers.  Take the single mother, the man knocks her up and decides to run for it.  The man does not need to marry her, just make sure that he helps provide for his kids.  Be a father to these kids.  

Men are raised by their mothers to be "mama" boys; this is not a good thing. Boys and girls are no different, only in the way their mother has raised them, which make men, into insecure people who are then incapable of taking care of a family.  Mothers have a lot to answer too, with how they raise their boys.

Society has dictated that men should be the one that takes care of his family, be the head of the household. Wife and children must respect these men, they are the back bone of the family, well, and that’s how it should be. This rarely ever happens.  Provide for their every need, but when a man has emotionally baggage that he carries from his childhood, he is more inclined to abandon his family and start all over again.  Raising a family is no picnic in the park and it requires a lot of hard work, both from the mother and father!

I know from my own experience, my mother taught us to respect our father.  My mother never disagreed with my father in public.  Discussion was never held in front of us.  Discussion where held in the privacy of their bedroom.  My mother opinion with my father counted very much with my father.  It was not that he was the head of the family, and she the wife, and must obey every command.  They really had a very good marriage. As a father my father was not very good at it.  He left my mother to raise us.  My father was always too busy to spend time with us.  It was like not even having a father.

I am a single parent, the father of my children never acknowledge his children.  My children grew up without their father.  I am lucky that they turned out to well-adjusted adults.  He provided hardly any financial support for them; I had to battle on my own!!

Interesting fact

The geneticist J. Craig Venter showed that the entire genetic material of an organism can be synthesized by a machine and then put into what he called an “artificial cell.” This was actually a bit of press-release hyperbole: Mr Venter started with a fully functional cell, and then swapped out its DNA. In doing so, he unwittingly demonstrated that the female component of sexual reproduction, the egg cell, cannot be manufactured, but the male can.

7 Types of Commitment Phobes

The answer dwells deeply in the family of origin survival patterns. Commitment phobia is somethinge often and happens to both women and men. The key piece is fear. Fear of intimacy and deep emotional connection.




Men that have difficulty in committing have similar characteristics and ways of expressing their phobias. It can be very devastating to the woman who love them

The Unconscious Commitment Phobe
Its the most common phobia.  The guy believes that he wants commitment and love.  He becomes his worst enemy, sabotaging anything food that comes his way. What he does not realize is that perfection is impossible and while there are always other prospective love matches around the corner, they are usually no better or worse than the woman he has right in front of him.







The Conscious Commitment Phobe
He knows that he is putting on an act.  He really enjoys the woman that he is involved with. but he has not intentions of staying with.  He rather places his bet on the one that opens her lets first.  He knows that he is not fit to commit and remains single rather than making a chose.
 The conscious Commitment Phobe can sometimes be honest about his fears, making him respectable.







The Married Phobe

He loves the challenge of a chase.  He cheats on his wife.  Does not communicated with her and shuts her out.  He cannot look her directly in the eye.  The Married Phobe can drive his wife up a wall for years with his pushing, pulling, cheating, shutting down and walling off. Worse yet, on the other side of the Married Phobe is the "other woman," who waits for him to leave his wife, sometimes for decades. This guy simply can't commit to committing one way or another.






The Long Distance Phobe

He is good at long distance relationships.  They enjoy having two lives, one with you and the other with someone else who may be reading this. Never quite trusting his own inherent instincts and feelings, the Long Distance Phobe has difficulty with decision-making. Therefore, he would rather have two lives in case one doesn't work out or he gets bored. The woman who is far away is usually the secondary character in this guy's love life.  He either promises to visit or he wants her to visit him, but he rather keep the long distance relationship.



The Dating Site Phobe
After months of coercion from your friends to "get out there," you reluctantly sign up on the hippest new dating site, create a profile page and upload your cutest photo, all the while gripping a bottle of merlot. Swipe left, swipe right...it actually seems fun at first!
After a hot minute, an attractive man hits you up and comments on your eyes, hair or the fact that you have a cute little dog names Josh. Willing to look past his ridiculously perverse profile and the long drive, you holler back with a quick quip. You get along famously and things go from texting to sexting to questioning to disappearing.
After a few weeks, you pack up your imaginary children and wonder if this guy was married, a compulsive liar, an egomaniac or all of the above.

The Multi-Phobe
The Multi-Phobe is like the Don Juan of Commitment Phobes having a posse of women from which to choose. He is usually the one who never becomes "Facebook official." He will simply lie about why he keeps his status a secret saying, "it's silly" or "I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings." When a woman discovers that she has been involved with this type, she usually convinces herself that what they had was real and the others were simply secondary characters in their relationship. The truth is that the Multi-Phobe has a "no
 discrimination" policy and it's first come first serve.




The Instant Phobe
This guy is the one who is already mentally packing his bags right as he approaches you during last call. If we are aware, we can look back and see tiny snap shots of a faster than lightening affair off in the distance. This type of Commitment Phobe is like a bowl of sunshine. He is the one-night-stand from the bar, the guy you talked to the entire night at your best friend's wedding or the charming man you made out with in the bathroom at the club on Saturday night. Okay, so some of this was your fault.

No matter what type, walking away from the Commitment Phobe, is usually a wake up call for them.

People are individuals but are not unique?

What is the Internet?

a global computer network providing a variety of information and communication facilities, consisting of interconnected networks using standardized communication protocols.

Have a look at the internet, type something in the search engine and you will find what you are looking for. Either negative of positive, there are people before us that have put their thoughts down, expressed the same thinking as you.  Some people think that they are the only ones that think or feel in a certain way, but this is not true.

We are individuals but we are not unique.  When having a discussion with a friend, the friend is positive that he is right and you are wrong.  Go on the internet and you will find results both in favour of your friend and yourself.

For example :  Different sides to the coin, using positive punishment and negative punishment.  Neither of them is wrong. Just different ways of approaching the problem, what method would be more likely to work?

What is Positive Punishment:
Positive punishment works by presenting a negative consequence after an undesired behavior is exhibited, making the behavior less likely to happen in the future. 

What is Negative Punishment:
Negative punishment happens when a certain desired stimulus/item is removed after a particular undesired behavior is exhibited, resulting in the behavior happening less often in the future. 

Understanding what a "individual" should be ......

What is an Individual

Individual - Meaning a person who acts in the way they want to and is not bound by the sad rules of soceity, live life forifilling goals for their self-esteem. These people do not conform to the 'masses' and are therefore swarn enemy to the common Townie etc... An individual has their 'own' mind and seeks enlightenment through completing personal tasks set by themselves and are not influenced by someone elses opinion simply because they are 'popular'.  They dress how they want to dress, listen to what they want to listen to and do what they want to do and normally people respect that. An individual hates to be labeled.

People might be individuals but they are not unique as they act like sheep.

People really do act like sheep

If a ​group of people are (like) sheep, they all ​behave in the same way or all behave as they are told, and cannot or will not act individually or be individuals in the true sense of the word.

What's more unpleasant to see than the herd spirit in humans? The manipulation led to the stage when humans behave like dumb sheep. Many times you may have wondered what the hell you were doing or how the heck you had got amongst a gang of seemingly idiots.

The majority of people act like sheep, they seem not to be able to think for themselves and do what is know how to them.  They are neither individuals and they differently are not unique.  To be unique ..... is to think outside the box, think for yourself and found other answers and solutions, it might surprise you, that everything could change, become a whole lot better.

Thinking outside the box

Meaning - Think creatively, unimpeded by orthodox or conventional constraints.

'Think outside the box' originated in the USA in the late 1960s/early 1970s.

"We must step back and see if the solutions to our problems lie outside the box."

The 'box', with its implication of rigidity and squareness, symbolises constrained and unimaginative thinking. This is in contrast to the open and unrestricted 'out of the box' or 'blue-sky' thinking. 

The encouragement to look for solutions from outside our usual thinking patterns was championed in the UK by Edward De Bono, the psychologist and inventor, who coined the term Lateral Thinking in 1967 and went on to develop it as a method of structured creativity.

Thinking outside the box would mean that you cast off the atmosphere that envelops you, step out of the box, leave all your experiences, mindsets and attitudes behind and start to view things from a completely different perspective: outside of the box; unfiltered, unbiased, open for suggestions, willing to empathize with others opinions, but also ready to swim against the flood and to think what no one else has ever thought of. It also means that you leave everything behind you thought you would know, everything that was thought to you in school and start to approach specific situations and problems from a completely different point of view than you did before.

Thinking outside the box, makes the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people!

Be Unique!!!

Successful People And Unsuccessful People
There is always a clear cut difference between the successful and the unsuccessful. The difference in habits and decisions give birth to what is either being talked about or what is not. Adjusting and aligning your thoughts with successful people will start to have a profound effect on how people see you. It will also help in understanding the daily habits that successful people use to fine tune their values and standards.

To define the actions of successful people, John Paul De Joria, the billionaire behind brand names such as Paul Michell hair products and Patron tequila, explains what a ‘successful’ person is: “Successful people do all the things that unsuccessful people don’t want to do.”

Success has elements attached to it from hard work, determination and perseverance. It goes beyond the desire to be successful and reaches in to taking action to make a difference. 
To think outside the box!

A Promise of Success
by Michael Sage

Ones potential is so huge, and so vast,
Yet, why is it, that so many fail, and usually come last?,
So few truly succeed, that when they do, others are jealous and totally aghast,
Let’s all believe in success, and I promise that failure will be part of the past.

The things you think, and the things you believe,
If they are true, then those are the things that you will achieve,
But if your thoughts are false, or they are used to deceive,
You’ll be stabbed in the back, and that is a promise that you had better believe.

Get rid of depression, worry and fear,
Because success is so often so very, very near,
Tell your subconscious , “success is mine”, and tell it to hear,
Remind it often, then success will be yours, that is a promise, my dear.

Just ask the “DIVINE”, for whatever you desire,
For happiness or abundance, or anything else to which you aspire,
It’s now time to succeed, so go ahead, set your goals, and light that fire,
Do it with passion, and I promise you this, you’ll soar higher and higher.

Problems with Commitments? Being in a relationship ?scared of being single forever? Fear of marriage?

Commitment -  there are several different types of commitment phobias

Commitment Phobia

Anuptaphobia 

Gamophobia

Commitment phobia - is a very painful experience both for the one who engages in the pattern and for those who are involved with that person. Usually the art of pushing and pulling and seduction are the domain of the commitment “phobe.” The answer dwells deeply in the family of origin survival patterns.

The Causes of Commitment Phobia

The causes of commitment phobia varies.  People with commitment issues have complained about poor romantic relationships, wither first-hand or through observing their parents.

Other common causes of commitment phobia may include:

• Fear of, or having had, the relationship end without notice or signs
• Fear of not being in the “right” relationship
• Fear of, or having been in, an unhealthy relationship (characterized by abandonment, infidelity, abuse, etc.)
• Trust issues because of past hurts by those close to the person
• Childhood trauma or abuse
• Unmet childhood needs or attachment issues
• Complicated family dynamics while growing up

True commitment phobia is fear of any kind of commitment that involves other people, not just relationship commitment. It can involve difficulties making important decisions in all areas of life but folks with commitment phobia need not be afraid of committing to things that do not involve other people. They may have no problem buying a house or a car or getting a dog. Their fear usually is connected with making a promise to another person.

Falling in love with a person with commitment phobia can be a nightmare. Watch out for signs of commitment phobia before you find yourself hopelessly in love with someone who is not capable of having a relationship. A person with commitment phobia need not display every one of the following symptoms but the more symptoms he or she displays the more likely it is that he or she suffers from the condition.

1. Their past relationships are all short and/or very noncommittal
If your beau has never been married and has had a series of short relationships despite not being all that young, then he or she probably is not likely to commit to a long term relationship in the future either. It’s also a red flag if your romantic encounter has had long relationships but these relationships didn’t involve any serious commitment on his or her part.

2. They are not willing to commit to dates or nights out weeks in advance
Making plans for the future that are not strictly required is a major cause of fear for someone who suffers from commitment phobia. He or she will prefer to make same-day plans or commit only a few days in advance.

3. They are not letting you know whether they are attending your party
Just as a person with commitment phobia will be afraid of agreeing to dates several days or week in advance, he or she will also have difficulties saying "yes" to a party or meeting, unless this is strictly required of them. They may say that they might come to your party or even that they probably will be there. But they will prefer not to say with certainty that they can make it.

4. They use a lot of modifiers when speaking
If you listen carefully, you will hear them use ‘probably’, ‘maybe’, ‘probably not’, ‘I might’, ‘I might not’ and the like much more than other people. If asked when they will be home from work, they won’t say they will be home by 5. Instead they will say that they probably will be home by 5.

5. They are sexually active, perhaps even promiscuous
People with commitment phobia have a need for intimacy like everyone else. But their need is not getting met by being close to another human being. To compensate for this, they may be very sexually active, sometimes bordering promiscuous.

6. Most of their relationships are undefined
If you are in a relationship with a person with commitment phobia, you most likely will not have had any significant conversations with him or her about your relationship. You may find yourself not knowing what kind of relationship you have, despite having been with him or her for several years.

7. They don't say the L-word
People with commitment phobia have difficulties expressing their feelings. They may even be afraid of having feelings. So they are not likely to say that they love you and also mean it

8. They don't like to use the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend"
If your love interest is very commitment phobic, even the relatively innocent words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" will signify more commitment than they are capable of. They may simply avoid talking about the status of your relationship, or they may offer some lame excuse for why they don't want to use these labels.

9. They don't have a whole lot of close friends
They may know a lot of people. They may even call them friends. But they don't have many really close buddies. There is most likely no one in their life they can talk to about everything.

10. They are unpredictable
You never know quite how your love interest will behave or what kind of mood they will be in. One day they may be really sweet and seem almost normal and the next day they may avoid you altogether. Their behavior never ceases to surprise you.

Anuptaphobia - The fear of being or staying single. You know, like, forever.  Medically defined as “a morbid fear of staying or remaining single,” Anuptaphobia is not your run-of-the-mill phobia, and it’s safe to say we’re living through an epidemic.

The Causes of Anuptaphobia

An entire generation has succumbed to the condition and the symptoms have been running rampant through cities and rural towns alike. Accomplished women and men have been falling one by one to this recently named phobia and even the strong aren’t safe.

Specialists have confirmed that this condition is part of a social phobia that can be traced back to a triggering event from childhood or a traumatic incident. It’s a psychological condition brought on by numerous factors, yet I think it’s safe to say we’ve contaminated our own water.

A generation bathed in social media, we’ve created a culture that doesn’t support relationships, yet still holds the antiquated expectations of marriage. We’re living in our parents’ past, but are redefining a new dating future. We can’t feel whole without another person, but also don’t know how to be together.

Women and men, but especially women, are self-diagnosing themselves as they lie in their empty beds, their right fingers stiff and gnawed from swiping, their eyes shot from too many seasons of “How I Met Your Mother.” Capable and smart singles are walking around as empty shells, feeling worthless and defeated.

The worst part about the condition is that men and women waste their lives letting it control them. They live quietly under its reign, refusing to believe they they can have happy lives without it.

They can’t see that they can be happy alone, that marriage isn’t something they should worry about. They are hindered by the phobia that this single status will be there forever.

You have this disease, but this disease doesn’t have to control you. But before you can treat yourself in bouts of therapy, you must first properly diagnose yourself.
Staying in relationships that don’t work

You have a tendency to try and push things that should be left alone. You go for men and women not because they’re right, but because they’re there. You settle for relationships and people because you’d rather settle now than strive for something later.

You are so deathly terrified of being on your own that you’ll stay with someone you don’t even like.
Obsessively thinking about marriage, love and future

Your mind is constantly preoccupied with antiquated notions of “the perfect life” and “happily ever after” that you don’t even see how good your real life is. You obsess over things beyond your control, creating delusions and fantasies of a life even cartoons don’t properly achieve.

You forget to look around you and enjoy the moments because you’re constantly obsessing over the wrong ones. Your future husband or wife is never going to find you if you’re too busy creating fake ones.
Feelings of inadequacy

You feel painfully incomplete. You feel as if you’re walking around with a gaping wound, the other half of you missing. You are not completely present when people talk to you because you feel you have nothing good to offer.

You created paranoid delusions in your head. You think that because you are single, you are worthless.

Because you are alone, you have nothing to offer. Yet what you don’t realize is your inadequacy is all in your head. People in relationships look at you in awe of your single status, and if you just started to appreciate it the way others envied it, you’d see how great it is to be alive and just living for yourself.
Inability to spend time alone

You get worked up when you are by yourself for too long. You never understood the idea of enjoying your own company and would rather die before living in an apartment by yourself. You fill your company with friends you don’t even like and have sex that’s so bad it should be illegal.

You don’t want to get used to your own company because you never want to have to rely on it. You figure that if you avoid ever getting to the point at which you enjoy spending time alone, you’ll never have to fall back on it.
Overanalyzing absolutely everything

Whether it’s a text, a chance encounter or a situation that doesn’t even involve you, you have a tendency to overanalyze the sh*t out of it. Down to the single letter, you look for ways to take the tiniest thing and turn it into something it’s not.

You spend minutes, days and weeks overanalyzing strings of words that usually are as empty as the person sending them.

Gamophobia - Fear of Commitment Phobia – Gamophobia. Gamophobia is the fear of commitment, though it can also be the excessive, persistent, uncontrollable and irrational fear of marriage. It is derived from the Greek word Gamos which means marriage and phobos meaning fear

The Causes of Gamophobia

One main reason for fearing marriage is individual observation. An individual can very much observe negative aspects in his or her parent’s marriage that can include abuse or physical violence.

Such experience can turn very obsessive. It can become thought consuming & all negative facets of a marriage can build up into a picture that suggests that marriages are not a good thing.

So, even if you want to get married, the negative thoughts about it are so overwhelming that you develop gamophobia.

While some aspects suggest that marriage can remain good the phobic response forces one to stay away from marriage for good. Gamophobia causes internal conflict & problems that can remain for a lifetime.

Symptoms of Gamophobia

The list of signs and symptoms mentioned in various sources for Gamophobia includes the 9 symptoms listed below:

Irrational fear
Feeling of panic
Feeling of terror
Feeling of dread
Rapid heartbeat
Shortness of breath
Trembling

Gamophobia Treatment

A number of effective treatments can help gamophobes overcome their fears. But, gaining awareness about the healthy sides of a marriage through proper gamophobia treatment plays an important role in reducing anxiety about marriage.

Taking help of a professional therapist can give you a good insight & understanding about yourself and exploring the reasons that keep you from tying the knot.

The fear often has underlying reasons it requires an experienced therapist to identify the root cause. This will let you to make out why you had false assumptions about marriage and real picture of what a marriage really is.

Being complete

Does a relationship complete you?

“You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.”

There is desperation in a few topics in life.  Love, relationships and marriage.  Love with regard to being single.  To be single, does that mean that one is incomplete?  Society has the habit of looking at single people as not being complete in them until they meet their soul mate.  Society has portrayed being single as a sort of disease rather than being an acceptable state.  Many believe that they are incomplete until they find their soul mate.

Being desperate

Finding a soul mate leads to anxiety and desperation.  People start getting into relationships for the sake of just having a relationship.  This would lead to the following; they attract and enter into suboptimal relationships.  The people they get together with are not right for them, nor do these people help them become better people, or treat them on the level of respect that is due to them.  This always leads to constant unhappiness and heartache.  Depression and disappointment will happen when they cannot find the person of their dream when they break up with their previous partner.

Myself = Single
I am 52 years old.  I have two wonderful daughters by the same father.  I could say that I never had a really serious relationship where the man wanted to marry me.  I loved the father of my children very much.  It took me a very long time to get over him.  When my youngest daughter turned 16th, I started to think of "me".  All those years I just concentrated on being a mother, there for my daughters. I started dating and these relationships were unsuccessful, I think I had the wrong idea on what a relationship should entail.  Now I realise the priority is not finding a soul mate, but finding me.  I never knew who I was, as a kid or even an adult.  

I never came to this realisation by myself.  This wonderful beautiful man came into my life, no I have never met him physically, but talked on “Whatsapp”.  He was the one to help me.  He restored my confidence in myself as a woman and as a person.  He made me realise that I was hanging on being a victim of my past and that I need to let go in order to move on, in order to become a survivor!  I know this man is looking for that someone to complete him, to share these small things with, holding hands, having someone to hold him, when he is sad. To lay his head in their lap, while they gently run their fingers through his hair.  Those small things that are over looked. You have no idea how satisfactory these small things can be!!  

I watched his desperation in finding that person, and that what was actually what made me re-valuate my life. He was never happy with what he had, always looking, always searching for something much better. Meanwhile he had that all along, but he never released it and probably never will realise this until he can settle for what he has.  Always crying that he had lost something or someone because he never realised at the time the true value of what he had.

With this re-valuation I have come to the conclusion, I must first be happy with myself, find the joys within myself.  Follow the passions in my life that I never had time for.

Depression and sadness was constantly in my life.  It got so bad that I went to a doctor to get treated for depression.  These happy pills brought new issue that I had to deal with.  Two months into the treatment I decided to go cold turkey.  This was not the solution for me.  The solution was to start fighting, make an extreme effort to get over the sadness and depression.  Every day is a struggle, some days are worse than others.  I have got a new lease in life and I am not going to let go of it.  I am concentrating on the good in my life.  My daughters, my beautifully wonderful daughters that have grown into the most amazing adults, and my grandchildren.

People seem to forget, having a soul mate is not a bed of roses.  Other issues arise, sure it must be amazing to have this person love you and you love them, but its not always up hill, there will be many potholes, many issues that have to be solved.  People forget that the soul mate comes with their own luggage, that need to be dealt together.  In this life it would be impossible to come across a person that did not have issues.

Realization That I Am Complete

It was from my introspection and probing that it finally hit home – I was looking at all of this the wrong way. All the frustration, anticipation and expectations on getting a relationship arose because I was looking for a relationship to complete myself.

The truth is, I am already complete by myself. There is no need for my life partner to enter into my life before all those things can happen. I can already be doing them as and when I want to. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that I should be putting my life on hold.

I was looking at a relationship as two halves forming a whole, when it should be about two wholes forming a bigger union. When I released myself of my limiting perception that was when my views toward relationships totally changed. I stopped hinging expectations toward when I should get into a relationship and how it should be like. I stopped looking at relationships with a feeling of desperation. I became grounded in myself. I became truly and perfectly happy in the state of single hood.

Does this mean I don’t want to be in a relationship? No, I do want to be in a relationship. The difference is that desire stopped being rooted in fear-based emotions. It became rooted in groundlessness and love-based emotions.

Are You Complete By Yourself?

Are you complete by yourself? There is a huge difference on your perceptions and attitudes toward relationships between when you think of yourself as an incomplete person and when you think of yourself as already complete.

This can be an elusive quality. In the face of this question, many people will be quick to jump to their own defence and reply “yes, I’m complete.” But understand that being ‘complete’ is a state that is all encompassing. It is beyond just ‘thinking’ that you are complete. It emanates from your thoughts, emotions, actions and behaviours.

It means you start truly living life and stop becoming bothered by whether you are single or attached.

Below are eight attributes that differentiate both viewpoints of seeing yourself as incomplete vs. seeing yourself as complete:

1.    Half vs. Whole: The union of two halves to form a whole, compared to a relation of two  wholes' former a larger whole.

2.    Desperation vs. Groundlessness: Desperation in getting into a relationship that is 

       not right for you, or simple not letting go of a bad relationship.  The latter results deep  within yourself,  a relationship that is right for you.

3.    Myopia vs. Clarity:  Lack of self-awareness, lack of clarity of  what’s best for yourself or disregard of it. The latter results in full clarity on what you want  and pursuit of only what is best for you.

4.    Fear-based vs. Love-based: The former is driven by fear-based emotions, such as  anxiety, ego, pride and fear. The latter is driven by love-based emotions, such as true,  authentic and unconditional love, willingness and courage.

5.    Negativity vs. Positivity: The former results in negative feelings toward relationships  or during the course of the relationship, such as misery, anger, hatred, heartache and  unhappiness. The latter leads to positive feelings, such as abundance, bliss, joy,  happiness. Contrary to popular belief, hate is not the result of love. Hate is the result of  pride. True unconditional love does not result in hatred.

6.    Subjectivity vs. Objectivity: The former leads to irrationality and what people refer to  as ‘blinded by love’. The second is rooted in objectivity.

7.    Poor quality relationships vs. Soul mate relationships: The former attracts  negative relationships into your life. When you view a relationship as something that  completes you, you attract other people who have this mindset too, and that leads to a  relationship which is rooted in fear and negativity. The latter attracts your soul mate  relationship, one that elevates you, makes you a better person, and brings you actual  bliss and joy.

8.    Dependency vs. Independency: The former leads to dependency and reliance on  the partner in the relationship and withdrawals without the partner. The latter leads to  symbiotic, interdependent roles in a relationship but at the same time, full independency  by yourself.

How To Become Complete By Yourself

There are several thoughts people unknowingly adopt which result in an incomplete perception of themselves. Below are three guiding checkpoints in becoming a fully, complete person:

Love Yourself Unconditionally

Is there anything that you wish is different about yourself? Realize that your dislikes are part of what contributed you to becoming the person you are today. Without them, the other parts of you which you like would not have existed. Love who you are right now, unconditionally. While you can work on addressing those dislikes and improving yourself, you need to start off from a point where you already unequivocally love who you are right now. Improving yourself will just make you love yourself even more.

Be Completely Happy By Yourself

Are you happy being by yourself? Do you love spending time with yourself? 

This is a second level check to the first point. If you already love yourself unconditionally, you will be completely happy by yourself. You won’t look toward someone else to complete you and make you happy. Don’t look toward a relationship as an end point where eternal happiness can be attained. Complete happiness is already possible and attainable right now, at this moment, by yourself. 

Live Life To The Fullest

Are you living your life now, instead of waiting for that special one to come and do all those things with?  You don't need to wait for a relationship until you can be completely happy.  Do things with your friends, your family. Have a life!

Being Complete

When you start seeing yourself as complete, getting into a relationship becomes something that is supplementary and will make you a fuller person, vs. a prerequisite to make you whole. Since you do not look toward having a relationship to complete yourself, your attitude toward love and relationship stops becoming rooted in fear and desperation. You stop looking at singlehood as an undesirable state.

You start becoming grounded. You start to know what you want and what’s truly right for you. You become full of self-confidence, love and happiness. While you look toward being in a relationship someday, at the same time, you are perfectly happy being by yourself.

If—

By Rudyard Kipling

(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Source: A Choice of Kipling's Verse (1943) 

Understanding Men

To understand men, women need to know what a man wants from a women
How do we even start understanding men? Or don't we? lol

According to the book by John Gray, Ph.D, Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
About the book : Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus is the essential tool for couples who want to develop more satisfying relationships with their partners. John Gray provides a practical and proven way for men and women to communicate better by understanding and respecting the differences between them.

When it comes to relationships, most would agree that it's a constant battle of the sexes. Pretending that men and women are from different planets can help us to deal with the opposite sex in a loving and accepting way, leading ot better relationships. (seriously? you must be kidding me, lol, pretending we are from different planets?)

Throughout Men Are From Mars, Women Are from Venus, John shows how to diminish frustration and disappointment in relationships, and instead create intimacy and relate lovingly to the opposite sex, through a better understanding and accepting the differences between men and women.

John explains what it takes to have a successful relationship. He provides different scenarios from both the woman's and the man's point of view and offers advice on how to counteract differences in communication styles, emotional needs, and behavior patterns.

John realizes that "not only do men and women communicate differently, but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently." So, instead of discussing "why" men and women are different, he focuses on what those differences are and explains the ways men and women react to stress, what motivates them, and their emotional cycles and needs.


The truth it's much easier than that, understanding men is much easier than you think.

Don't pressure men for a commitment - The female in a relationship usually desire some sort of commitment sooner than the male. Women need to know how is that are placed in a relationship. She starts putting on pressure for the man to reveal his true feelings and intentions. The man does not like this and feels pressurized. Pressurizing the male is not only for making a commitment, but trying to make the man spend more time with the female and making more phones calls. This could be seen as a sign of insecurity or desperation, which is not appealing one bit, in the relationship. In fact, don't put pressure on a man for anything, honey when you going to take the garbage out? Honey when are you going to cut the lawn?


Men want to be taken care of  - This can range from a number of things, reminding him of a doctor appointment, spoiling him with his favourite dinner. Appreciating all the things he does, without having to nag him forever, by taken care of his ego. Men are sensitive creatures and understanding this. Men like to be told that they are missed when they go on a business trip for example. Men don't lack feelings, and it's these small things that women do that can make such a big difference.


Respect - The one thing that men really want in a relationship is respect. Men don't like woman that have taken over the relationship, in the case of the woman wearing the pants in the relationship. Men "love" a woman who is strong and assertive but know when to let the man lead. Woman taking control in the bedroom for a man this is a turn on. Woman trying to take control of everything, is a no no. Belittling a man will send him away very fast. It's import to understand what a man wants from a woman. Compliment men for his achievements and help and motivate him to achieve everything that he wants to do.

Communication - different ways.  Men and woman do not communicate in the same way!

Compliments are important, encourage him and support him.

Silence -  savor silence together, no need to have an heavy discussion about everything.  Just enjoy being together.  Silence after amazing sex, curled up in his arms, letting the sweat cool from the body, listening to him breath and hear his heart pump.  Men don't place the same emphasis on conversation.

Problems - men don't like discussing their problems, men like finding solutions, instead of going over the problem over and over, which never solves anything! 

Woman crying could freak him out, men generally don't cry, which is a bad thing.  Women will cry for just about anything under the sun, even when she is happy.  So a man will not have a lot of sympathy with the constant tap work been switched on and off.  Men are not been insensitive, they get frustrated because they hate problems and only want to find a solution and get it over and done with. 

Sorry - Men have other ways of saying they are sorry than just saying "sorry".  Two little words for a man to say is "I love you" and "I am sorry".  Woman need to hear the verbal apology right after a right after a fight and men don't.  Men will show that they are sorry, a woman hurt feelings needs to be fixed, and men take action. 

Not difficult is it? No pressure on a man, for whatever reason, taking care of him and showing you care, and above all else respect him!! Understanding the difference how a man and woman communicates.  Compliment your man! Women stop crying! Always putting him first and foremost above everything and everyone.  Excellent sex will not hurt, lol.