Old Family Traditional Values

Family break downs are happening more and more often.  There are many reasons for this. People just don't have the time for old family traditional values anymore.  The "traditional family" involves the father as a breadwinner and the mother as the homemaker, raising their children together.  Both parents go to work these days, in order to make things meet.  More emphases are placed on materialistic things these days.  Children are getting spoiled these days with expensive presents.  Materialistic things are not essential to have a loving and happy home. Why must children have the latest and most expensive toys and electronic devices out there? Why must the husband drive the latest car and the woman have the modern kitchen, with all fancy gadgets?  Why must the husband and wife have everything when they start on a home of their own?. Where is the excitement in building one's home up as the years go by?

Surely if the family did without, then it would be possible for the mother to stay at home, and be a homemaker and a mother that is available to her children?  The wife that would be available to her husband when he comes home.  Ready with the cooked meal, the slippers and the newspaper, lol.

Each member of the family has their own choirs to do.  Washing dishes, taking out the washing, loading the washing machine, hanging up the washing.  Setting the dinner table, clearing the table after each meal.

Some would say, this would happen if this would be an ideal world, and this does not happen anymore, but I know it can happened, it has happened in the past, with our grandparents. There was no such thing as running to get a divorce when things started to get unpleasant.  

Meaning of family traditional values

According to Dictionary.com, "family values" is defined as "the moral and ethical principles traditionally upheld and transmitted within a family, as honesty, loyalty, industry, and faith."

According to Merriam-Webster, "family values" are "values especially of a traditional or conservative kind which are held to promote the sound functioning of the family and to strengthen the fabric of society".

According to OxfordDictionaries.com, "family values" are "values held to be traditionally taught or reinforced within a family, such as those of high moral standards and discipline."

Meaning of Family
'Family' is a single word, with many different meanings. People have many ways of defining a family and what being a part of a family means to them. Families differ in terms of economic, cultural, social, and many other facets, but what every family has in common is that the people who call it a family are making clear that those people are important in some way to the person calling them his family.

Value is defined as the quality or worth of a thing.  To combine the words together yields a definition of:  a traditional set of social standards defined by the family and a history of customs that provide the emotional and physical basis for raising a family.   Our social values are often times reinforced by our spiritual or religious beliefs and traditions.  Do you have traditional family values?  How do you determine your family values? 

 

The values a family develops are traditionally the foundation for how children learn, grow and function in the world. 

Family values are ideas passed down from generation to generation.  It's how we would like to live our family life.  Three basic tasks in life are work, play and love.  Often neglected is play and love, as we get caught up in work and in our career goals, materialistic things and financial rewards.  We need a balance in our lives, where play and our loving relationships take priority. If we don't our lives becomes stressful and unsatisfying.  Family should always come first, but most find very little time or energy left to spend quality time with their families.

What does family time mean to you? 

The mean of family to each member of the family will be different.  Thoughts and feelings should be shared.  Family always should know what is happening to other family members all the time.

Traditional family values that fall under the “love task” include all our relationships. 

How you regard your commitments to marriage, what role religion/spirituality plays in the family. How emotionally available you are to others, sharing responsibility and the common interest shared by your spouse and family, shared activities and hobbies, how family time is spent, how family decisions are made, common beliefs shared by you and your spouse regarding spirituality and religion, how family traditions are established. Often time assumptions are made about what another family member believes or values.  Misunderstandings and miscommunication can happen because of these assumptions.  

Quality time for family, when a family does things together.  Time just set aside for the immediate family.  This is recreation, relaxation and alone time.  A time to let our bodies to unwind and calm down. Each member has their choirs.

What do you value in terms of your play?  Without a period of time to allow our bodies to unwind and calm down, the rest of our day gets out of balance.   How does your family incorporate these activities into life?  Are there things you and your family do to incorporate play and alone time into your lives?

Traditional family values usually include such topics such as religion, marriage, communication, traditions, morals, holidays, interactions with relatives and how time is spent together.   

To identify what your values are and the values of your family, it is helpful to get a clearer picture of what that actually means. Having family discussions would help identify what values are important to each member of the family.  Installing values, when values of family members are not up to scratch.

*Family values are the foundation for how children grow, are taught and supported.  

Traditional family values are usually passed on from one generation to the next, giving children the structure and boundaries in which to function and thrive.  Family time, love, play and work give children this foundation.  Take the time to share your family values and traditions with your children.  Share meals together where the family gets together to talk about the day, schedule recreation and relaxation into your day-to-day life.  The definition of family values is the social standards defined by the family and a history of traditions that provide the emotional and physical basis for raising a family.  Work together within your family to identify and                                                                                               create your own family values.

believe in traditional family values

It is my obligation as a family member

To do everything in my power

To keep aging or disabled family members

From having to live or die in nursing homes

This was passed down to me

As a child

Through the example of my great-uncle Lindy

Who moved in with my great-grandma?

To keep her out of a nursing home

As long as he could

Even as she broke her hips multiple times

And became frail and bedridden

She stayed at home as long as she could

Because of our family values

Because of our traditional family values

I was able to visit her every year

In her tiny little house

Smaller than some of my apartments

But filled with love and kindness

Because she was a hard-core Hufflepuff

And she and her house

Had a long time

To become part of each other

What, you were expecting something different?

Then either you’ve grown too used to hearing

Right-wing propaganda disguised as tradition

Or you don’t know how many valuable traditions

A family can have

I am very traditional in my own way

Even if you can’t see it

And it is traditions like this

That is at the core of my value system

Traditions that come from love

Not from unthinking obedience to hate

So next time you hear the words

Traditional family values

Think hard

About your family’s best traditions

The ones that come from love

You might not have any

But you might

And you might be surprised what they are

And if you can find any such traditions

Then do all you can to take back the meaning

Of traditional family values

To apply to the love your family has taught you

Passed down through the generations

That’s what tradition, in its best sense, means

by Mel Baggswww.digg.com

Woman do really need men in their lives!!

Contrary to my previous blog, do we need men? yes we do!!  If man was to disappear from earth, women would do remarkable well without having a male in their lives.  In many instances the woman has to do without a male, in any case.  In the case of divorce; being unmarried with children, and being a widow.

Women have a love-hate relationship with their single status. They love the freedom, flirting and no-strings-attached life that comes with flying solo, but they dislike the absence of the comfort, constancy and companionship of the other half.

Men, generally speaking, tend to look for a mate to satisfy a sexual and an emotional need. Women have less urgency in getting these particular needs met from a man; Of course women want and need it also. Women's selection priorities are more to do with the male partner's ability to physically provide and protect her and their children.

Generally, men’s needs have not changed, and men seem just as dependent upon women for sex and emotional nourishment as ever. But these days women don’t have as much need for protection and provision 

Given that women generally can support themselves in our modern society, why exactly do they need men? 

Men and women are just as desperate, confused, lonely and needy as each other.  Women and men need each other equally. However, women need not show how much they need men.  Women need to know how much they are needed by the men, and the men must let them know that they need them in their time of need.

Love - we need the love that comes from a man. Our father figures had a large role to play in this; we usually look for a man who is very similar to our own father. With the love of a man we can conquer anything. A man makes us feel safe, powerful and wanted, amongst many other things. Love is everything

Protect - We need men to protect us from the evil beings out in the world as well as the unknown we can't see, but, men can. We need them to be our eyes and ears when we are naive to experiences.
Provide- Men are natural providers and regardless of how much money a woman makes, where you may fail, man is more than willing to provide. It would be his pleasure. There are some tasks that women just cannot do without a man. Let him provide. 

Love-Making - Using a vibrator or the hand will never make a woman feel like a man can.  The touch of his hands, the feel of his body.  To hear him breath and feel his heartbeat. Sex between two people that really love each other is something so wonderful, sex will only get better with time, as each partners learns the likes and dislikes of each other.

 
Companionship - Having tons of friends is never the same thing as having your man, who is your best friend in the world also.  You one you can watch movies, play cards, read, exercise, cook, wash dishes or just simply hold hands and look at the beautiful sunset together. Treasuring the silence and knowing he is always there for you and of cause ....... you are always there for him too.

 
Confidant - We confide in our man only and we trust only him.  All our deepest emotions we share with him. He is the only one we are intimate with, and he is compassionate and understanding. Our man will be our confidant and he will never use it as ammunition to hurt us.

 
Guidance/ Leadership - Where one is strong the other can be weak; our man can be strong when we are weak.  When our man is weak, we will be strong for him.  We will have each other’s back.  We need guidance in our lives ....Our man will be there to provide this. Were ever our man leads, we shall follow!

   

Emotional Stability - Women are extremely emotional and more than often their decisions are driven by emotions and that can lead to making bad decisions. Men are not driven by emotions, more so, logic and rationale. They will assist us in maintaining our balance and behaving more rational. 

 
Pro-Creation - We all know women can adopt or have the procedure called In Vitro Fertilization, but guess what, surrounding those situations is a man. We need men to impregnate or donate sperm if you will, so that we can bare off-springs, and leave our legacy behind. 

Completion - Women don't need men to complete them, although they may be financially well off, mentally stable, or spiritually connected, women need men to connect the last chain. Women need men to complement their completeness.  Women are single and alone until man compliments their completeness. Compliments her in her cycle of life, birth, child, teen, woman, spiritual soul mate, marriage or just a lifetime together.... Many women are spiritually complete without a man, but what better way to share the wholeness other than with the man you love and deserve to have.

My father and mother had a wonderful relationship, I only wish that I am that lucky that one day I will have what they had.  Many of the family values are disappearing, but many still hold on to them.

 

When a Woman Loves a Man

David Lehman, 1948

When she says margarita she means daiquiri.
When she says quixotic she means mercurial.
And when she says, “I’ll never speak to you again,"
she means, “Put your arms around me from behind
as I stand disconsolate at the window.”

He’s supposed to know that.

When a man loves a woman he is in New York and she is in
     Virginia
or he is in Boston, writing, and she is in New York, reading,
or she is wearing a sweater and sunglasses in Balboa Park and he
     is raking leaves in Ithaca
or he is driving to East Hampton and she is standing disconsolate
at the window overlooking the bay
where a regatta of many-colored sails is going on
while he is stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway.

When a woman loves a man it is one ten in the morning
she is asleep he is watching the ball scores and eating pretzels
drinking lemonade
and two hours later he wakes up and staggers into bed
where she remains asleep and very warm.

When she says tomorrow she means in three or four weeks.
When she says, “We’re talking about me now,"
he stops talking. Her best friend comes over and says,
“Did somebody die?”

When a woman loves a man, they have gone
to swim naked in the stream
on a glorious July day
with the sound of the waterfall like a chuckle
of water rushing over smooth rocks,
and there is nothing alien in the universe.

Ripe apples fall about them.
What else can they do but eat?

When he says, “Ours is a transitional era,"
“that’s very original of you," she replies,
dry as the martini he is sipping.

They fight all the time
It’s fun
What do I owe you?
Let’s start with an apology
Ok, I’m sorry, you dickhead.
A sign is held up saying “Laughter.”
It’s a silent picture.
“I’ve been fucked without a kiss," she says,
“and you can quote me on that,"
which sounds great in an English accent.

One year they broke up seven times and threatened to do it
     another nine times.

When a woman loves a man, she wants him to meet her at the
     airport in a foreign country with a jeep.
When a man loves a woman he’s there. He doesn’t complain that
     she’s two hours late
and there’s nothing in the refrigerator.

When a woman loves a man, she wants to stay awake.
She’s like a child crying
at nightfall because she didn’t want the day to end.

When a man loves a woman, he watches her sleep, thinking:
as midnight to the moon is sleep to the beloved.
A thousand fireflies wink at him.
The frogs sound like the string section
of the orchestra warming up.
The stars dangle down like earrings the shape of grapes.

7 Types of Commitment Phobes

The answer dwells deeply in the family of origin survival patterns. Commitment phobia is somethinge often and happens to both women and men. The key piece is fear. Fear of intimacy and deep emotional connection.




Men that have difficulty in committing have similar characteristics and ways of expressing their phobias. It can be very devastating to the woman who love them

The Unconscious Commitment Phobe
Its the most common phobia.  The guy believes that he wants commitment and love.  He becomes his worst enemy, sabotaging anything food that comes his way. What he does not realize is that perfection is impossible and while there are always other prospective love matches around the corner, they are usually no better or worse than the woman he has right in front of him.







The Conscious Commitment Phobe
He knows that he is putting on an act.  He really enjoys the woman that he is involved with. but he has not intentions of staying with.  He rather places his bet on the one that opens her lets first.  He knows that he is not fit to commit and remains single rather than making a chose.
 The conscious Commitment Phobe can sometimes be honest about his fears, making him respectable.







The Married Phobe

He loves the challenge of a chase.  He cheats on his wife.  Does not communicated with her and shuts her out.  He cannot look her directly in the eye.  The Married Phobe can drive his wife up a wall for years with his pushing, pulling, cheating, shutting down and walling off. Worse yet, on the other side of the Married Phobe is the "other woman," who waits for him to leave his wife, sometimes for decades. This guy simply can't commit to committing one way or another.






The Long Distance Phobe

He is good at long distance relationships.  They enjoy having two lives, one with you and the other with someone else who may be reading this. Never quite trusting his own inherent instincts and feelings, the Long Distance Phobe has difficulty with decision-making. Therefore, he would rather have two lives in case one doesn't work out or he gets bored. The woman who is far away is usually the secondary character in this guy's love life.  He either promises to visit or he wants her to visit him, but he rather keep the long distance relationship.



The Dating Site Phobe
After months of coercion from your friends to "get out there," you reluctantly sign up on the hippest new dating site, create a profile page and upload your cutest photo, all the while gripping a bottle of merlot. Swipe left, swipe right...it actually seems fun at first!
After a hot minute, an attractive man hits you up and comments on your eyes, hair or the fact that you have a cute little dog names Josh. Willing to look past his ridiculously perverse profile and the long drive, you holler back with a quick quip. You get along famously and things go from texting to sexting to questioning to disappearing.
After a few weeks, you pack up your imaginary children and wonder if this guy was married, a compulsive liar, an egomaniac or all of the above.

The Multi-Phobe
The Multi-Phobe is like the Don Juan of Commitment Phobes having a posse of women from which to choose. He is usually the one who never becomes "Facebook official." He will simply lie about why he keeps his status a secret saying, "it's silly" or "I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings." When a woman discovers that she has been involved with this type, she usually convinces herself that what they had was real and the others were simply secondary characters in their relationship. The truth is that the Multi-Phobe has a "no
 discrimination" policy and it's first come first serve.




The Instant Phobe
This guy is the one who is already mentally packing his bags right as he approaches you during last call. If we are aware, we can look back and see tiny snap shots of a faster than lightening affair off in the distance. This type of Commitment Phobe is like a bowl of sunshine. He is the one-night-stand from the bar, the guy you talked to the entire night at your best friend's wedding or the charming man you made out with in the bathroom at the club on Saturday night. Okay, so some of this was your fault.

No matter what type, walking away from the Commitment Phobe, is usually a wake up call for them.

Problems with Commitments? Being in a relationship ?scared of being single forever? Fear of marriage?

Commitment -  there are several different types of commitment phobias

Commitment Phobia

Anuptaphobia 

Gamophobia

Commitment phobia - is a very painful experience both for the one who engages in the pattern and for those who are involved with that person. Usually the art of pushing and pulling and seduction are the domain of the commitment “phobe.” The answer dwells deeply in the family of origin survival patterns.

The Causes of Commitment Phobia

The causes of commitment phobia varies.  People with commitment issues have complained about poor romantic relationships, wither first-hand or through observing their parents.

Other common causes of commitment phobia may include:

• Fear of, or having had, the relationship end without notice or signs
• Fear of not being in the “right” relationship
• Fear of, or having been in, an unhealthy relationship (characterized by abandonment, infidelity, abuse, etc.)
• Trust issues because of past hurts by those close to the person
• Childhood trauma or abuse
• Unmet childhood needs or attachment issues
• Complicated family dynamics while growing up

True commitment phobia is fear of any kind of commitment that involves other people, not just relationship commitment. It can involve difficulties making important decisions in all areas of life but folks with commitment phobia need not be afraid of committing to things that do not involve other people. They may have no problem buying a house or a car or getting a dog. Their fear usually is connected with making a promise to another person.

Falling in love with a person with commitment phobia can be a nightmare. Watch out for signs of commitment phobia before you find yourself hopelessly in love with someone who is not capable of having a relationship. A person with commitment phobia need not display every one of the following symptoms but the more symptoms he or she displays the more likely it is that he or she suffers from the condition.

1. Their past relationships are all short and/or very noncommittal
If your beau has never been married and has had a series of short relationships despite not being all that young, then he or she probably is not likely to commit to a long term relationship in the future either. It’s also a red flag if your romantic encounter has had long relationships but these relationships didn’t involve any serious commitment on his or her part.

2. They are not willing to commit to dates or nights out weeks in advance
Making plans for the future that are not strictly required is a major cause of fear for someone who suffers from commitment phobia. He or she will prefer to make same-day plans or commit only a few days in advance.

3. They are not letting you know whether they are attending your party
Just as a person with commitment phobia will be afraid of agreeing to dates several days or week in advance, he or she will also have difficulties saying "yes" to a party or meeting, unless this is strictly required of them. They may say that they might come to your party or even that they probably will be there. But they will prefer not to say with certainty that they can make it.

4. They use a lot of modifiers when speaking
If you listen carefully, you will hear them use ‘probably’, ‘maybe’, ‘probably not’, ‘I might’, ‘I might not’ and the like much more than other people. If asked when they will be home from work, they won’t say they will be home by 5. Instead they will say that they probably will be home by 5.

5. They are sexually active, perhaps even promiscuous
People with commitment phobia have a need for intimacy like everyone else. But their need is not getting met by being close to another human being. To compensate for this, they may be very sexually active, sometimes bordering promiscuous.

6. Most of their relationships are undefined
If you are in a relationship with a person with commitment phobia, you most likely will not have had any significant conversations with him or her about your relationship. You may find yourself not knowing what kind of relationship you have, despite having been with him or her for several years.

7. They don't say the L-word
People with commitment phobia have difficulties expressing their feelings. They may even be afraid of having feelings. So they are not likely to say that they love you and also mean it

8. They don't like to use the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend"
If your love interest is very commitment phobic, even the relatively innocent words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" will signify more commitment than they are capable of. They may simply avoid talking about the status of your relationship, or they may offer some lame excuse for why they don't want to use these labels.

9. They don't have a whole lot of close friends
They may know a lot of people. They may even call them friends. But they don't have many really close buddies. There is most likely no one in their life they can talk to about everything.

10. They are unpredictable
You never know quite how your love interest will behave or what kind of mood they will be in. One day they may be really sweet and seem almost normal and the next day they may avoid you altogether. Their behavior never ceases to surprise you.

Anuptaphobia - The fear of being or staying single. You know, like, forever.  Medically defined as “a morbid fear of staying or remaining single,” Anuptaphobia is not your run-of-the-mill phobia, and it’s safe to say we’re living through an epidemic.

The Causes of Anuptaphobia

An entire generation has succumbed to the condition and the symptoms have been running rampant through cities and rural towns alike. Accomplished women and men have been falling one by one to this recently named phobia and even the strong aren’t safe.

Specialists have confirmed that this condition is part of a social phobia that can be traced back to a triggering event from childhood or a traumatic incident. It’s a psychological condition brought on by numerous factors, yet I think it’s safe to say we’ve contaminated our own water.

A generation bathed in social media, we’ve created a culture that doesn’t support relationships, yet still holds the antiquated expectations of marriage. We’re living in our parents’ past, but are redefining a new dating future. We can’t feel whole without another person, but also don’t know how to be together.

Women and men, but especially women, are self-diagnosing themselves as they lie in their empty beds, their right fingers stiff and gnawed from swiping, their eyes shot from too many seasons of “How I Met Your Mother.” Capable and smart singles are walking around as empty shells, feeling worthless and defeated.

The worst part about the condition is that men and women waste their lives letting it control them. They live quietly under its reign, refusing to believe they they can have happy lives without it.

They can’t see that they can be happy alone, that marriage isn’t something they should worry about. They are hindered by the phobia that this single status will be there forever.

You have this disease, but this disease doesn’t have to control you. But before you can treat yourself in bouts of therapy, you must first properly diagnose yourself.
Staying in relationships that don’t work

You have a tendency to try and push things that should be left alone. You go for men and women not because they’re right, but because they’re there. You settle for relationships and people because you’d rather settle now than strive for something later.

You are so deathly terrified of being on your own that you’ll stay with someone you don’t even like.
Obsessively thinking about marriage, love and future

Your mind is constantly preoccupied with antiquated notions of “the perfect life” and “happily ever after” that you don’t even see how good your real life is. You obsess over things beyond your control, creating delusions and fantasies of a life even cartoons don’t properly achieve.

You forget to look around you and enjoy the moments because you’re constantly obsessing over the wrong ones. Your future husband or wife is never going to find you if you’re too busy creating fake ones.
Feelings of inadequacy

You feel painfully incomplete. You feel as if you’re walking around with a gaping wound, the other half of you missing. You are not completely present when people talk to you because you feel you have nothing good to offer.

You created paranoid delusions in your head. You think that because you are single, you are worthless.

Because you are alone, you have nothing to offer. Yet what you don’t realize is your inadequacy is all in your head. People in relationships look at you in awe of your single status, and if you just started to appreciate it the way others envied it, you’d see how great it is to be alive and just living for yourself.
Inability to spend time alone

You get worked up when you are by yourself for too long. You never understood the idea of enjoying your own company and would rather die before living in an apartment by yourself. You fill your company with friends you don’t even like and have sex that’s so bad it should be illegal.

You don’t want to get used to your own company because you never want to have to rely on it. You figure that if you avoid ever getting to the point at which you enjoy spending time alone, you’ll never have to fall back on it.
Overanalyzing absolutely everything

Whether it’s a text, a chance encounter or a situation that doesn’t even involve you, you have a tendency to overanalyze the sh*t out of it. Down to the single letter, you look for ways to take the tiniest thing and turn it into something it’s not.

You spend minutes, days and weeks overanalyzing strings of words that usually are as empty as the person sending them.

Gamophobia - Fear of Commitment Phobia – Gamophobia. Gamophobia is the fear of commitment, though it can also be the excessive, persistent, uncontrollable and irrational fear of marriage. It is derived from the Greek word Gamos which means marriage and phobos meaning fear

The Causes of Gamophobia

One main reason for fearing marriage is individual observation. An individual can very much observe negative aspects in his or her parent’s marriage that can include abuse or physical violence.

Such experience can turn very obsessive. It can become thought consuming & all negative facets of a marriage can build up into a picture that suggests that marriages are not a good thing.

So, even if you want to get married, the negative thoughts about it are so overwhelming that you develop gamophobia.

While some aspects suggest that marriage can remain good the phobic response forces one to stay away from marriage for good. Gamophobia causes internal conflict & problems that can remain for a lifetime.

Symptoms of Gamophobia

The list of signs and symptoms mentioned in various sources for Gamophobia includes the 9 symptoms listed below:

Irrational fear
Feeling of panic
Feeling of terror
Feeling of dread
Rapid heartbeat
Shortness of breath
Trembling

Gamophobia Treatment

A number of effective treatments can help gamophobes overcome their fears. But, gaining awareness about the healthy sides of a marriage through proper gamophobia treatment plays an important role in reducing anxiety about marriage.

Taking help of a professional therapist can give you a good insight & understanding about yourself and exploring the reasons that keep you from tying the knot.

The fear often has underlying reasons it requires an experienced therapist to identify the root cause. This will let you to make out why you had false assumptions about marriage and real picture of what a marriage really is.