DO YOU NEED TO BE IN LOVE?

DO YOU NEED TO BE IN LOVE?  ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING IN LOVE?  DO YOU JUST TAKE LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME AND WAIT TILL LOVE COMES TO YOU?

People are not meant to be alone.  That does not mean you have to be in love so that you are not alone anymore.  Yes we have a need to be loved and in our life and there are people that we do love and love us back.  Our mother and father. Our sisters and brothers and our friends and even our lover.  Now we have to love our lover in a certain way.  It must be our soulmate but it has been already established that our soulmate does not have to have a romantic or sexual connection to it.  It is more spiritual. 

There are many animals that stay together until one of them dies.  They will mourn the passing of their mate and will then stay alone for the rest of their life’s.  Did they need to be in “love”?  Are they more capable to “love” than we are.  How do they manage to stay together for a life time?  Do they have expectations from their partner?  Do they fight and have disagreements?  There are people who would say that animals do not have the capabilities to love then what is it then that obviously works better than human love?

Having animals has taught me lots.  They require food and water.  They require attention from me.  They don’t give a shit how I look or dress.  They stay close to me when I am sad.  They don’t hold grudges when I am in a bad mood.  Each of them has a different personality.  Each of them shows their affections in different ways.  Each of them demand in their own way that I give them their cuddles each day. So????

The universe has created male and female to reproduce so the race does not die out but you do not need to be in love to create another being.  It is just a natural instinct to mate.  You do not have to be in love with your partner to enjoy many years together.  So why does society deemed it necessary that we fall in love with out partners and get married?

So both parties want was does not exist.  It only exist in romance novels and movies. What they have is really shallow love that caters for their own needs and desires or some will say it is being in love with love.

Relationships happen backward these days.  You meet someone.  You go on a date with them.  You make a connection with them.  You are physically attracted to them.  There might be other factors that contribute to this attraction.  The atmosphere and the drinks.  You end up in bed with them on the first date.  For the next couple of months it is all about sex and there is no time to get to know the person and when the sex starts to slow down there is a loss of what to say and do?  You start wondering why you are with this person in the first place.  For all intense of purpose the wrong way to go about it.  I am being harsh in this? Many times the backward approach to finding someone to love will work but most times it does not.

Have you ever thought of getting an android partner. Sit before you pc and put in all your requirements that will makes you happy.

Sex, height, weight, hair colour, eye colour, age and race.  Your ideal partner ... your soul mate for life.  Press enter when done.  The good thing about an android partner there is no need for separation or divorce.  Just shut your partner off by a press of a button or just reprogram it depending on you and how you change as you grow older.

Sorry folks this does not exist so for now you have to do the work on a relationship to make it work.  Anything worth while comes with a high price.

People that have been alone for a while find it more difficult to make a relationship work.  The tolerance for another person becomes non existent.  One becomes too set in one ways and there is no compromising when situations get out of hand.  Toe the line or get out.  Go over the line once you are out.  Make any show of going over that line and you are out.  That is how bad it gets.  The only person you need to think of is yourself when you are alone.  Having to accommodate another persons feelings and respect their space becomes a major problem and an inconvenience which will not be tolerated at any cost.  All the advantages of having someone does not seem to be worth the cost of having to put up with the other person.  Rember the other person is in a similar position as you so the combined situation is lethal unless the partner is much younger than you.  Wow for the first time really you convince yourself you are in love.  The truth of the matter you probably have never felt the need before to be in love . 

This younger person wants to be with you.  It makes you feel great that a younger person has taken an interest in you.  Having a younger person be interested in you is very flattering to your altar ego.  The rules of the game has changed.  You actually loose yourself because you become scared that they will leave you.  Does this type of relationship last?  Time will tell.  The truth of the matter every relationship needs loads of work on it.  If you not prepared to work at a relationship don’t bother getting into a relationship at all.  People do not stay the same.  They are changing all the time.  Even you are changing.  The whole purpose of life is to grow

Lets talk about packages that have been collected over the years that make it even more difficult to be tolerant in a new relationship.  Recognising signs that made previous relationships go bad.  Bailing out at the first signs that things are getting a bit sour instead of working at it and dealing with it and solving it.  The reality is that you never loved that person.  They meet all your requirements on your check list.  They made you feel special in many ways but one problem is you never cared for them.  You never accepted them for themselves. It was a very much one sided relationship.  Being in love is not about how much you can get out of the relationship but wanting the other person happiness above all else and if they love you for real they be there for you through thick and thin.  The best of both, your best friend and lover ..yin & yan

Dating is supposed to be fun.  Date as many people as possible.  Enjoy life to the fullest.  Have a friend with benefits on the side.  Don't go on a date for the first time and then think this is your soul mate.  It will not work.  Take baby steps one at a time.  Learn to love being alone.  Learn to love yourself.  Don't think of being alone as a fault.  Use it to learn about yourself.  Don't rely on another to make you happy.

Solitude is enjoying your freedom of being alone to cherish the freedom of not having responsibilities and having to defend every thing you do to another. Feelings of loneliness is a sign of depression and discontentment in ones own life.  That is the difference.

What happens when you grow older and the sexual attraction has died?  Would it not be wonderful just to be able to be together and enjoy the solitude together? Just a random thought …

Getting into a relationship because you are lonely will fail.  Join a club.  Take up hobbies but for god sake don't go into a relationship...it has all the ingredients for failure. Your goal is to find your true soulmate.  Soulmate is not as it is reflected in movies and love novels.  They are you soulmate as they share a connection that seemed to have been made before either of you of even met.  It does not need to be romantic or physical.  It is like meeting the other side of yourself and the bonding happens instantly.  You feel completed as never before.

Expectations are dangerous in a relationship.  It puts a lot of stress on the relationship.  Acceptance is the keyword in a relationship.  Of course there will be things about your partners that you will not like and visa versa.  This is part of the package that your partner comes with.  It has made them who they are.  The reason you felt attracted to them in the first place.  You cannot change them.  If your partner needs to change in any way which will be a benefit to themselves and not to you.  Then the change must be made by themselves.

Am I in love? What is love? Why do you love me? Do I need to be in love or am I more in love with the idea about being in love?  There are many words attached to love.  Love is not a recipe where you gather all the ingredients together and then make the finished goods.  It is how you feel inside, you will do anything for that person because your focus has changed.  It is all about the other person happiness.  You shine from the inside out.  You want to dance and sing.  You a much better person to be around.  Your heart fells like it is going to explode when you with this person.  As you get to know this person things begin to change.  There will be things that irritate you about them and vice versus.  Remember this not why you felt attracted to them in the first place.  It is not why you fall in love with them either.  It is a time now to communicate to get over these hurdles.  It is a time to learn about the other person.  To be honest, to agree and disagree.  They are not so like you as you thought they were.  They are different but in some areas the same. Now the hard work begins.  If you are not prepared to do this you should of just curled up with a romance novel where they live happily ever after.

A relationship will have good times and bad times.  You cannot avoid this.  It is how both of you deal with it together.  For now you are  together you are not alone anymore.  Remember this  … don’t let go of each other.  Withering the good, that is easy. Withering the bad, harder but doable.

It is what you put into life is what you will get out.  The more you invest in higher risks the bigger the return one will get out but you also face a bigger loss when you do this.  Life is short so the only way is to live is in the moment.  Life is not meant to be taken for granted and neither is the person you love ……

 

THAT SPECIAL ONE