WHOM I AM NOW

Who I am now

I am strong
I am very stubborn
I must always do the best
If I make a mistake, I get upset with myself
I am generous
I find it it hard to take things from people
I am kind
I am loyal to others
I have a temper
I keep other people's secrets
I say things directly to people
I don't lie
I am always prepared to help others out
I love animals
I am a good listener
I am not a people's person
I hate crowds
I still don't trust people
Lies that people tell, I hate
Cross me and i will become the biggest botch ever

Who I was
I let people walk all over me
I would not say boo to a goose
I lacked confidence in myself
I lived in the past
I did not believe in myself
I doubted my self worth
I kept to myself
I never stood up for myself
I did not trust anybody

Life experiences has taught me a lot. People have come and gone.  Not many have stayed around. Let's put it this way.  Only one has gone the distance with me and is still there for me.

I deliberately pushed people away and this was my testing them.  I have no illusions to whom I am.  I know that I am not beautiful or even pretty.

I have very bad teeth.  One day I will hopefully have my teeth fixed.  I would not even smile and my hand went up to my mouth every time I spoke.

These days I don't do this anymore. I laugh and smile. So what if people see my bad teeth.  If they can't see passed the teeth then there is something wrong with them.

I have very beautiful children whom I love so very much.  I don't tell them things to boost their egos, I tell them these things because I believe in them, with my whole heart and soul.

I give thanks to the people that have been in my life. My mother.  She was really an amazing woman.  What with all the trials she went through.  She was in a wheelchair and could do more than my school  friend's mothers.

My father who could do what ever he choice to do.  Even if it took him weeks or months.

I don't agree with how they raised me but come to think of it they did not do such a bad job.

Raising children is not one of the easiest things to do and I was a very difficult child to raise.  A very secretive one.  They also had three other daughters to raise.

All of my three sisters.  For in their own special ways they are very important to me.  I love them all.

For the father of my children though you left me raised our daughters alone.  You gave me the greatest treasures of all.  I loved you then and secretly I still feel that love for you.  Though it's a different love that I had for you then.

For a man that taught me that I was a victim of my own childhood.  I thank also.  I have come a long way since then.  I thank you but seriously tell you now, grow some balls and become the man I see in you. Stop doing what you doing. Destroying your own life. Take your own advice and stop being the victim.  Only you know the true story of your own life and you are not blameless like you want others to believe.

For a boss that believes in me.  I have achieved so much and my advancement will only grow.  There is still so much to learn.  Thank God for the internet. Lol

For a woman called Sandra who was recalled by God. The times we shared and your believe in me.  To her husband I hope you have realised that Sandra is still with us.

For my daughters that have me focus and a reason to stop with all the stupid things I had done in the past.  Not to say I did not do some very foolish things afterwards.

Last but not least as there will be others and others I have not mentioned.

You know whom I mean.  Thank you for being such a real person.  With all your strengths and flaws.  It's the whole package that I love.