Dependence, Disappointment, Expectations, Love, unhappiness, being happy and obligation.

Today I read a blog on Dependence and Disappointment.  He is a very good author.  I enjoy his blogs.  More essentially he makes me think with his blogs, it’s not a case, how nice he has written another good blog, it sticks in my brain and it makes me start thinking of what he has written.

He mentions a “friend”, due to health reasons and being in a lot of pain, has now become reliant on others.  I guess his “friend” has become disappointed with regards to how people come to her aid. He has written about this “friend” before.   The writer has come up with a link between dependence and disappointment.  Though the writer has not come up with why his “friend” is disappointed…………..

“The more dependent you become, the more disappointments you are likely to have. After giving this "statistical" relationship some consideration, I suddenly realised what is binding them: Expectations.”

“The rationale behind this is fairly simple: the more dependent you become, the more expectations you will (need to) make and the more likely you will be disappointed.”

No disappointment, no expectations, it has nothing to do with how dependent you have become on others, expectations are only binding them, depending on what type of person one is.  The type of dependency that I am talking about is that we need people to help all the time as we no longer able to do things for ourselves anymore.  Yes then the person would need to have expectations on others to help her or him, in their time of need. A lot of people are stubborn and have a lot of pride and do not ask for help when they can’t do things for themselves anymore, they have no expectations……

Let’s sum it up; do you help people when they need help because they have expectations?  Or do you help people because it’s in your nature to do it?  Because you a kind and compassionate person?  You have great respect and love for that person and that you genuinely care?  I would like to believe that this is the case, but in this day and age when people are only becoming to think of their own needs, that come before the needs of others, more often than not, this is not the case.

Then there is another reason why we become dependent on others, we fall in love with them, and again expectation is attach to being dependent.  We have certain expectations on the people we love, and when they don’t meet these expectations we get disappointed, even hurt and we lose our trust in them.  This is emotional dependency!!

So we have the follow Dependence, Disappointment, Expectations and Love.

He also says that expectations more often than not will lead to unhappiness, which I agree with him most heartily.  Expectations of a certain type, expectations of people doing as you want them to do things, will lead to unhappiness eventually.  I have written a blog on expectations and in my opinion its best not to have any expectations and to take each day as it comes, if it happens, it will bring happiness if it does not happen it will not bring unhappiness. 

One always must remember that there are certain expectations, and yes there are normal expectation, those expectations that come with the responsibilities that one under takes, for example, your boss will have the expectation that you will be doing you work instead of filing your nails, your children will have expectations that you will supply them with a home, food and clothing. 

Then there are expectations that full out of this category, for example, my boss has expectations that I will pick up his dry cleaning that is outside the role of my job.

When our expectations are met we are happy.

Now we have the following – Dependence, Disappointment, Expectations, Love, and unhappiness and being happy.

I will bring another word into this equation and that is obligation.  The people that will help out; let’s take it first as family members.  Family member have a certain obligation to help when other members of their families need help.  I know that obligation seems a harsh word, but in this day and age, when people don’t have time for others; (even if it’s family); the word obligation is the correct word to use.  In some cases family and friends will help out because they feel compassion and because they love that person, and they are concerned about their well-being.  Friends are supposed to help each other, are they not?  Help out with no expectations that their good deeds will be reward.

We also have obligations to our children; give them a home, clothing and food.

Now we have the following - Dependence, Disappointment, Expectations, Love, unhappiness, being happy and obligation.

I will add the following, hurt, compassion, understanding, tolerance, negativity, hope, resentment, bitterness, loyalty, betray, lying, cheating, honesty, empathy, pity, being realistic, faith, trust, rejection, denial, dreams, giving, taking, listen the list is endless.........

All these word are in some way connecting with dependence.

Getting rather complicated?  Yes it is, life is not easy, and it can be easy, if only people would let it be.  People let too many emotions get in the way of their happiness.  Instead of saying to someone, you have disappointment me, how about trying to say to them, i know there must be a reason why you not met my expectations, maybe what I wanted of you, made you feel uncomfortable, or some other pressing matter came up, or simply was I was not being realistic, stop with the negativity, those people have feelings also.  It’s you that is also getting the short end of the stick by saying this, or thinking this.  Try understanding and compassion, it will change everything…………

  

I have being doing some research at have come up with the word “DREAD”.  It’s an Acronym and it means the following:

 

DREAD stands for Denial, Rejection, Expectation, Acceptance and Dependency

This definition appears very rarely and is found in the following Acronym Finder categories: Slang/chat, popular culture

One could apply it to the writers “friend”.  It’s hard to be independent for so long and then have to become dependent (dependency) on others for “help”, regardless whither its family, friends or even strangers.  For a lot of us, it’s very hard for us to ask for help, so more often we don’t let people know when we need help.  This is a form of “denial”.  We are afraid that people will not accept (acceptance) that our lives have now changed, and for once, instead of always being the one to help others, we become the person that “needs” help.  We have no “expectations” from family, friends or even strangers, we become scared that if we ask for help, they will reject (rejection) us.   They say a true friend is, those are left standing by you, when times are rough, and they were right.

Really listen to what people are saying, your friends, your families, your lover, your wife, your husband and even strangers, really listen .......... it's important, more often one has to read in between the lines. Some times it's not what they saying ........ it's what they don't say, look into their eyes, there you will see the truth.........