An apology that you never receive

An apology that you never receive

I have written about forgiveness.  In many instances a person says they have forgiven but in reality have not.  In normally goes in an order, someone apologises and the other person forgives and if you a bigger person, you will say you sorry also, cause nobody is guilt free.

If you have not received an apology and have forgiven that person, in essence you don’t need their apology.

If someone does not apologise to you, you will get a different perspective about that person.  It’s not a reflection on you.  Especially, if you have done nothing wrong.  

There might be a lot of reasons why that person has not apologised to you.  The first reason would be that the person does not see anything wrong with their actions.  Secondly they might think you are the responsible one for their actions.  That you have done something that might have caused them hurt and they lashed out at you for your actions.  In this case, there is a saying, “it takes two to make a fight”.  So in this instance, it’s essential for both parties to apologise and forgive in order to move on.

This would lead to accountability, not just one party but both, where both parties don’t take responsibilities, and blame it on the other.  Another saying, “there is no smoke without a fire”

Some people just don’t have the courage to face you, too apologise.

We don’t have control in these instances.  So to hold ourselves in this place of waiting for an apology makes absolutely no sense and prohibits us from living our best life.

I am the person that is not apologising for my actions.  I have been forgiven by this person but I don’t feel like I was forgiven.  Plus most importantly, I have not forgiven myself.

In the past I have apologised many times and have tried to learn from it by changing my behaviour. Generally I am the first person to say sorry. Usually the other person does not feel the need to reciprocate and they come up with reasons to justify their behaviour. They never take responsibility for their part.

They just showed me who they really are.

I will be friendly with them when the need arises, but at the back of my mind I will always remember and because I have forgiven them, with time and a lot of work, trust might be re-established. 

They say that forgiveness does not go hand in hand with trust, but there are many things that do go hand with forgiveness; one is showing compassion and understanding for the other person.  How can you truly forgive someone if you ended up doing the same thing that they did?  When you never let it go and always use it in one way or another, use it to justify your behaviour?

Only true forgiveness means that you also can forgive yourself, this enables you to leave the pain and resentment behind.

I have never wished that another person should apologise to me.  This is not my call to make.  This is the other person’s responsibility.  Yes I am hurt by their lack of apology, but I can still forgive them.

Someone not apologising to you ultimately is that person’s problem. Maybe they don’t know how, maybe they can’t see their wrong doing, or maybe they’re just scarred. None of the above is something that you can change aside from being a good example.

The final component to forgiveness is being able to carry on without ever having the other person say that they are sorry for what they have done to you.

Once we stop worrying about these people in ability to express remorse, for whatever reason, other people whom we can trust and love with all of our heart come forth out of the shadows that we were trying to bring light to.

You don’t need a person’s apology to move forward in life, there are too many variables involved to wait around for it before you proceed into the life of your dreams. Maybe one day they will make it all up to you.  Maybe one day they will apologise after they have enough life experiences under their belt. 

My question is, why wait for that? Release yourself and remember to apologise when you need to.  Let those that can’t accept personal responsibility help to remind you of what it feels like so you don’t do it to others. 

Someone not apologising for their actions and us responding by holding our own life hostage is the greater atrocity.

Shame

I look in the mirror, feel so much shame. 

It was my fault, I deserve all the blame. 

Just don't know what I was thinking, 

With all this shame, I feel like I'm sinking.

All the consequences, I completely deserve, 

Can't imagine, where I found the nerve, 

I just feel like the biggest fool, 

What I did, was simply not cool.

Your forgiveness, I earnestly plead, 

Without it, my heart won't be freed. 

Please forgive me, I miss you so much, 

Beautiful voice and your tender touch.

by AnitaPoems.com

The Box

© Peter Tamburrino

Published on April 2009

He ascended those stairs that day, why he did, he could not say.

But reached for that old dusty knob of his attic door insight.

A turn to the knob so gently,

Cautiously he made his entry, entry into the attic that night.

Among cobwebs, dust and in much wonder, a flash of lightning, a crack of thunder,

He lit a small candle to see a bag within his sight.

Inside a dark brown leather sack

Did he find a box so black, as black as it is at midnight.

His soul jumped, and it was frightening, while he gazed in awe during the lightning.

For in his hands was a black box containing his soul that night.

It was black as the midnight sea,

At his feet he found a key, a key to the box of fright.

In a cold sweat, and with a shudder, he turned the box during the thunder.

He pushed in the key and tried to turn, but the lock was too tight.

But as determined as he would,

He turned as hard as he could, he could with all his might.

He knows he is the key that unlocks his soul that resides in the black box.

Amid the lightning he saw his soul was full of sin that night.

The box full of sins he did,

It was filled up to the lid, the lid of the box that night.

So he took paper and found a pen, and recorded the sins he did often.

Tears in his eyes and sorrow in heart he began to write.

I'm sorry for what I have done,

I never meant to hurt anyone, anyone I have hurt any night.

So among the lightning and what wrote, he opened the box and slipped in the note.

For remission of his sins is what he clearly had insight.

And then he laid his head to rest,

For he knew forgiveness was best, best on this thunderous night.

And in the morning they found a dead man, with a note and a pen by his hand.

And on the note was written a poem that previous night.

"My heart is the key which unlocks

The deep dark secrets of my box, a box no longer black, but white."