Anger and how we react

At times I get angry and when I feel if I speak out, things will only get worse, and there will be retribution for it, I feel that then it would be better to shut up and keep quiet.  That is why I get angry in the first place.  This withheld anger leads to depression and sometimes the depression gets very bad.  There are times I think confrontation is needed, but I must be so careful that they don't sense that I am upset and even angry, they will turn this against me. I feel that it's better to have a conversation where I don't try and contribute blame to others, that they can have their say also.  This approach means that people must be prepared to listen, and really listen.  Most of my life I have taking the approach of flight, shutting down completely and not feeling anything emotionally, but I know that I can't keep doing this, it's hurting me in the long run.

Anger
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

Anger and how we react 

Confrontation – Compassionate Confrontation, the appropriate response in most cases, being the hardest to implement at all.

The right state of mind, (stand down). 

Understand what’s going on with both sides of a dispute/issue.

Arrange a meeting if possible (wait for a ‘good time’).

Talk about your observations and feelings, without ranting or blame,

Actively listen to the other’s point of view.

Try to find a win-win solution

Depression, when anger is not dealt with, gets turned inward at one self. Lashing out can cause guilt and alienation, leading to depression, or long-term depression.  Depression can make emotions overwhelming, increasing the likelihood of anger outbursts. Breaking this cycle usually requires therapy and sometimes medication.

Flight (internal) running away from someone who’s angry or causing our anger. This can take the form of shutting down emotionally, physical paralysis, leaving the situation as soon as possible and avoiding angry people (situations) permanently.  Sometimes our flight response can encourage aggression in the other person, if they feel disrespected or abandoned.

Fight (external) a verbally or physically violent confrontation, either to what’s ‘causing’ the anger or to the angry person.  Some people accidentally step on our emotional land-mines and get blasted. Some are perpetrators who use anger to get ‘a rise’ out of others.  People, who know us well, know our buttons and can always push them to punish or get back at us. Narcissists can easily get us riled up because of their inability to consider us at all, as if we didn’t exist…….

Revenge, is made up of retreating, in order to attack later, with obsessive planning, these angry people first evaluate the possibility of winning or losing. Because of their emotional intensity, they can easily overestimate their personal power – getting into unnecessary losing battles.

Revenge & Fight responses are linked: Anger victims’ desire for revenge or mastery can cause them to also develop anger problems.  People — may vow to never again let them be vulnerable, becoming hostile to others on the theory that “a good offense is the best defense ”

Revenge is a type of retaliation for injury (real or not) and if one is truly in a powerless position, it’s may feel like the only option available to express their ‘displeasure’.