Sticks and stones........

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.....

"Sticks and Stones" is an English language children's rhyme. It persuades the child victim of name-calling to ignore the taunt, to refrain from physical retaliation, and to remain calm and good-natured.

I never could understand this, sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me, for words hurt so much, plus the hurt does not seem to heal, nor does the verbal abuse stop.  Once a verbal abuser realizes that he or she can hurt one, there seems to be no stopping them.  Broken bones at least heal.

Be Careful What You Say
Words are the most powerful tools in the universe. Whether you are aware of it or not, the words you use out loud and in your head have extraordinary power. When you use words repeatedly in your affirmations and when setting your intentions, it is important to stop and consider how you define those words.

What is verbal abuse?
Verbal is when some abusers yell, threatens, ridicule or humiliate.  There are ways that are less obvious and they are correcting your mistakes, disparaging your motive and even suggesting what people should do that would be for their own good.


Verbal abuse can come from the people we love the most or even strangers.

Bullies

It’s usually the bullies that use verbal abuse.  The bullies don’t get much attention at home, so bullies abuse others in order to feel better. Bullies usually target people who are different in some way.  People that are short, tall, over or under-weight, the list is endless.

These forms of bullying range from the following:

• Physical Bullying: this includes hitting, punching, kicking, or any other physical act which is intended to cause harm to another individual
• Verbal Bullying: using any type of degrading, demeaning, or even racial remarks that negatively impacts another individual
• Hidden bullying: this includes gossip, the spreading of rumors & lies, mimicking, and any other act which seeks to cause another individual to be humiliated
• Cyber Bullying: this includes any bullying directed at an individual through social media, text, or the internet

Trying to stop a verbal abuser can make matters a lot worse.  Often people cope with verbal abuse with silence, numbing their feelings against the pain and not get in the way of the abuser.

It’s much better if you don’t keep quiet about the abuse, let someone know, a friend, a relative or a counselor. For me it got so bad, that I refused to go to school, and then questions were asked by my parents.  Their idea for me to handle this was to make a rag doll and every time the abuser would hurt me, I was supposed to put a pin into this doll.  I never did that, at least others were aware what I was going through.

For my daughter’s, my advice was not to retaliate but to have compassion, and for them to remember that they must never bring themselves down to the same level of their abusers.  Tall order, I know, for my eldest daughter she will always remember the cruel words.  I was lucky that both my daughters could speak to me about the verbal abuse.

Signs of Bullying

• Mood swings
• A withdrawn or distant demeanor
• Lashing out at siblings and other family members
• Refusal to discuss what is bothering them
• A sudden increase in aggressive and irrational behavior
• Unexplained bruises or marks on body
• Seems to misplace or lose items frequently
• Being hungry, or complaining of not having enough to eat
• Not wanting to go to school
• Drastic shift in academic grades
• Wants to be alone more often than not

If you have or are experiencing verbal abuse, you need to take control and not let them hurt you. Find ways to solve it, the better for you. I was told never let the abuser know how much they hurt me, easier said than done. They said, don’t react, and let them carry on with their abuse and act like nothing was said or done. They cannot know or control what you think and feel. Only you can do that.  Always inform another person what is going on.........

It's also important to remember that you're not alone. We need only turn on a TV, watch a movie, or listen to conversations around us to know that verbal abuse permeates both teen and adult culture.