Forgive but not forgive

Forgive but not forgive!

The reason why

I know this man for a while and whenever I did not do as he wanted, I would disappoint him.  So many times he would just block me and he would refuse to speak to me and then unblock me again. I did not even think that he even liked me, with this continual dismissal of me, like I was nothing, with no feelings.  He likes to exert mind control and I often found myself doing thing I was uncomfortable with.

The last time, I disappointed and hurt him; he again blocked me and moved into a relationship with another woman.  The reason why he was hurt is because he said I said something that hurt him, he said that I said that I did not think that we would be good together, and for the life of me I can’t remember this.  I asked him why he did not speak to me about it and he said he did.  This I can’t remember.

Any way I was blocked again, once again!  He ended the relationship with his current girlfriend, and the next thing he is speaking to me again.

Does he know how many times he has hurt me, when he blocked me? When he cut of communication, just like that?  Yet every time, he acted like nothing had happened. Yes it did hurt.  I wondered at times how it would be like to be a friend of his, with his actions I did not even think I was even considered his friend.

Did I try and talk to him?  Yes I did, on many occasions.  Was he prepared to listen?  I doubt it very much.

In one conversation, he told me he only uses sarcasm for those he does not like, I asked him so that means you don’t like me and he said most of the times he does not like me, but I show potential.  He can’t even remember having this conversation.

What I did was wrong, even if I thought I had every right to do what I did.  This is against everything I am.  Of course after what I did, he automatically blocked me again, but again he contacted me.  He wanted to know why I did why I did.

In this conversation he said he forgave me, but would never forget.  I said that is good, don’t forget, I cannot forget also, and I cannot forgive myself either.

Immediately after forgiving me, he blocked me again.

In order to teach him a lesson, I have hurt myself more than he will ever know. 

The reason why I did what I did, I seen how he treats women, if they fail him in some way, that is the end of them, he seems to have no tolerance for others, if things are not going to his liking he does not work on what’s wrong with it, he bails out.

This last woman that he took up with was not prepared to move in with him on a full time bases, and was even considering buying a house.  He did not considered that after a time, and maybe a short time, who knows that she would find that she did not want to leave him, and wanted to be with him on a full time bases.  They had only know each other two months, for god sakes……… that scared me, did I want to be like the rest of his women, no!!!

All types of relationships need work on it, if one partner is not prepared to put even an effort into a relationship; the relationship is doomed to failure right from the beginning.

Was I prepared to sacrifice all for a man that show little tolerance and compassion for others?

If he truly forgave me, why did he block me again?

We don't always have to tell them we have forgiven them. Self-righteously announcing our gracious forgiveness to someone who has not asked to be forgiven may be a manipulation to make them feel guilty. It also is a form of pride.


We might be pressured into false forgiveness before we are ready. When we feel obligated or we forgive just so others will still like us, accept us, or not think badly of us, it's not true forgiveness — it's a performance to avoid rejection. Give yourself permission to do it right. Maybe all you can offer today is, "I want to forgive you, but right now I'm struggling emotionally. I promise I will work on it."