Mind Games

Relationship mind games are played mostly by innocent people.  They have no idea what kind of dramas that it could lead them into. Consciously, most of us vow never to participate in mind games... especially if we've been through a bad relationship experience. (see mind control)

But some of us do it regardless; I was one of those people that never played mind games, until I was forced into that position.  Forced to play mind games, no sorry not forced but an act of revenge and self-preservation. This man that could not listen and could not care what I was telling him.  He wanted to control me so much that it did not matter to him that he was asking the impossible.  Not only that because I failed to do as he wanted, he cut me off completely and moved on his next victim.  Long before he actually knew whither I would obey him or not, he had his next victim.  I call her his “victim” as he has discarded her as well.  The reason for this is she would not or could not follow his demands.

After he discarded her he decided to turn again to me.  This is not the first time this has happened.  He would say that I have “disappointed” him and then the next thing I am blocked from contacting him.

He wanted me to give up everything here and go and live with him.  Sure no problem, but this in practise takes time, acquiring passport and citizenship which are due to me as my father born in that country.  Selling of house and finding the necessary capital to fund all of this.  The Euro is much higher than the Rand.  The Rand is very weak.

On top of this is wanted me to visit him in December, he would of put funds towards the plane ticket.  I am a very proud person, and would never except money.  I refused his kind offer.  Either I did on my own without “charity” or I would not do it.  I did not act when I should of and the price of plane ticket went up dramatically.  When I did not visit, he told me that my plans had back fired.  He joined a dating site, I am not sure if he met his next victim there, but was soon in a relationship with her.

He is a writer of blogs and had posted several blogs about his ex-girlfriend; I know they were together for 4 years, something like that.   In that time he was in a relationship with her he was busy communicating with other women, myself included.  He told me things had deteriorated between himself and his girlfriend.  During that course of time he went on holiday and met up with this woman that he was communicating with and had a relationship. (Incidentally he gave this woman money before he returned home, something that I would never be able to have accept, as he put it, she had little and too him it was nothing.)

He claimed that it was the first time in his life that he had ever loved another woman.  He wrote a blog on this, using the woman’s name as a label.  The labels on this blog site are clearly visible.  In fact he writes everything what is going on in his blocks.  They are of a very personal nature. All about his hopes, dreams, and his relationships.  He also writes blogs on current affairs, as well.  He was not too impressed with me when I started to write comments on his blogs.  I must admit I was a bit harsh with my comments.  Not once did he think that he was writing blogs about people that he knew personally, and by his labels, he was actually naming them.  It was kind of a case, read his new blog and say “oh thank god, it’s not about me”.  I know his writing helps him cope with things but seriously he must remember that it’s on a public platform. 

Did he contact me and tell me to stop, no.  The only time he contacted me was to tell me I was again banned from his life (once again).

I must say that he is a very good writer, and he would make an exceptionally good author, one day when he writes his first novel.  Seriously, despise everything, you got to read his blogs…….

Please don’t get me wrong; to me he is amazing man, he has a very sensitive side too him, and if you not on his bad side, an amazing friend to have.  Very supportive, very caring…... Extremely clever, extremely knowledgeable, someone that you want as your friend!!!

When he contacted me again, it was to tell me that he had ended his relationship with this woman.  He asked if I had made any progress in getting my passport and citizenship.  When I told him yes, he wanted all the details, which I gave him … I was unbanned once again.  The whole idea was to go over there and find a job, move in with him and pay rent and basic essentials like electricity, water.

I arrived and immediately contact him.  My aunt was going to meet me at the airport.  Things never go as expected, do they?  In the interim, as he had not heard from me, he began to contact my family, telling them I was dead as he had not heard from me.  My family does not know of him and never heard his name before.  Apparently he even contacted my boss, not sure what went on there, but I was informed about it.

My family that I was staying with were not too impressed with all the communication taking place, to see if I was alright.  My aunt belongs to the old school and does not believe in people living together.  She was shocked when she learned of my intentions.  It was agreed with this man and myself, even though I had not obtained employment that I would go to him still, after that “my window for this opportunity would close” and again I would be banned from his life.

A friend of my aunt’s agreed to take me to him, nearly a two hour drive, depending on traffic.  First he had to do something, he was extremely vague.  As it was, we would arrive very late at this man’s house.

Again things did not work out as planned.  The aunt’s friend and I stopped at his friends, a drink was offered and then another……  The aunt’s friend, after a few drinks was very reluctant to take me too this man after this.

I had missed my window of opportunity and that was that.  I took this man at his word……..

I have not tried to contact him since…..

All this has been a mind game ……….  I never went to this country, I never took a flight, and I am still in the country I live.  Why would I want to do that, yes I will go soon, after I can do everything I need to do here, it was never possible to do all these things in just under three months.

To be discarded once again, where would I be, in another country, having nothing to return to because I gave it all up to be with this man?

Outside on my backside, with all my bridges burned?

I will do it right so that I am not beholden to any man………

This man wants a relationship now with all the trimmings; it does not work that way…….

You plant a seed and you watch it for a few days, then it begins to sprout, it grows slowly, every day you water it and take care of it, it has to have the ideal conditions to grow, and one day, maybe after a very long time, it will reward you, and it will have the most amazing flowers.  If you don’t take care of it continually, it will wither up and die……..

I never want to give him the hold over me ever again ……. And be banned time after time.  He wrote several blogs on all this.  I thought on my god, it’s about me; everything has to be put out there on a public platform.

He cannot claim to be innocent in all this and be made the victim; he played mind games too, without any thoughts to my feelings, constantly be banned from his life at the drop of a hat.

I hope that he finds what he is seeking.  I am angry, and hurting, but its better this way.  Something things are never meant to be…..  One day but for now I am not too concerned, I am living each day as it comes ……….

Did you know I never even thought that he regarded me as a friend even, I can't even claim I got that much out of him, he was using mind games, mind control and I needed to break that, and the only way I know how to do this, is get him incredibly angry

I guess humans have an ability to love many but there is only one that is the right one, and to be truthful, I am just dreaming that I find that person I love that can love me just as much or even more

A relationship to work should be a shared one ....I think when one is calling all the shots without thought for how the other one is thinking it is doomed to failure.

I had to do this, playing with fire, only will learn when I am badly burned.  Mind games and mind control is very bad………………

No doubt this man has blocked me again .......... at least I am not stuck in a foreign country, he is very unpredictable, any time that I displeased him for any reasons, I would of been booted out very fast ..........