Life is truly Amazing - The Miracle (one of many)

Life is truly Amazing - The Miracle

Have you ever considered how amazing life really is, if it was not “man’s” pettiness it would be a wonderful world to live in?  God created everything for a purpose, a reason, and then he created mankind, giving mankind free will, what a mess up that was.  God placed humans on this earth to be caretakers.  When God has enough and ends this world as we know it, will he create something to replace his failures (mankind).  Or will everything live in harmony, the animals and insects, the fish and birds?   Does this earth need “caretakers”?  Its man that has destroyed the delicate balance, that God has created.

I am fascinated how we are created, from the female egg and the male sperm, to fertilization, to the nine months of development, till birth…. A true miracle, the creation of new life!!

The female egg (Ovum)

Did you know that you already existed before your mother was even born?  That you were in your mother, while your mother was still in your grandmother’s womb?  The production of a woman’s egg happens entirely in-utero and stops before her birth.  The woman has about 7 million immature eggs when she is in her mother’s womb, and this number will drop to 700,000 by the time your mother reaches puberty.

Some eggs will lie dormant for years or even decades before they begin to mature, while others will degenerate and never develop. For eggs to complete their journey to ovulation, they receive a signal to begin their final maturation process about 150 days before they would be released from the ovary.

At the beginning of any given cycle, there are generally about 12 eggs that have started to grow, and as ovulation nears, preference is given to one of those eggs, as it receives the final push to maturity and is then released from the ovary.  The mature egg will go into the fallopian tube where it lives from 12 to 24 hours.  The mature egg has only a lifespan of about a day. 

Once ovulation occurs, there is a big hormonal shift that takes place, progesterone production is revved up, and the release of any future eggs is halted. Therefore, it is not possible for a woman to ovulate on Monday, and ovulate again on Saturday.

Multiple ovulations can happen, the release of two or more mature eggs are released.  A woman can release two or more eggs at least once a year.

Did you know that the woman’s egg is the biggest cell in the woman body?  It’s about the size of a grain of sand and is actually visible to the naked eye? That means the woman’s egg is about 4 times bigger than a skin cell, 26 times bigger than a red blood cell and 16 times bigger than a sperm!!

Scientists have discovered a new type of stem-cell in the human ovary that may point to the possibility of new eggs continually being formed throughout a woman’s reproductive years.

The sperm (Spermatozoon)

The sperm is necessary for creating a baby.  Just because the woman carries the baby for nine months, it does not mean that the sperm does not have an equally important role for creating a healthy child.

Men are constantly making new sperm (about 1,500 every second).  Sperm can stay alive inside a woman’s uterus and fallopian tubes anywhere from 1 to 5 days.  The lifespan of the sperm is dependent on the sperm’s health, but also on the woman’s cervical fluid, which can nourish the sperm during its wait.  

What a man eats daily plays a very important role in the health of their sperm.

Drinking more than 3 cups of coffee per day can reduce sperm concentration and sperm count, and lower the quality of the sperm.

Vitamin C improves the quality of sperm, and protects the sperm from DNA damage.  Vitamin C also improves the sperm motile but preventing the sperm from clumping together. Consumption of fresh fruit gave sperm a boost in speed and agility.

DHA found in Omega-3 essential fatty acid play a critical role in proper formation of sperm.  A round-headed sperm can become a healthy, cone shaped head, full of important egg-opening enzymes once again, when DHA levels are increased. DHA also plays a role in sperm motility. An increase in DHA levels was shown to play a role in the fluidity for sperm tail bending and flexing required for forward movement of sperm.

Men need to climax regularly for healthy sperm.

Men’s sperm can be damaged by wireless devices such as laptop computers and mobile phones, especially laptop computers using Wi Fi.  Men should avoid holding laptops directly on their laps, and keep cell phones away from pant pockets.

Considering the size of sperm, they have a great journey to meet up with the female egg in the fallopian tube. One can imagine the incredible energy that must be used for this journey. That is only half the battle for a sperm to create life though. Once to the egg, also known as the ova, they work to penetrate it. Whipping their tails frantically seems like it would be very tiring, but that is where progesterone comes in. Sperm gets a boost of energy from a burst of female progesterone, which encourages sperm to whip their tails more passionately. This helps a sperm to penetrate the egg.

Sperm can melt the surface of the female egg. They do this by releasing enzymes from a portion of the head known as the acrosome, to dissolve the outer membrane of the egg. This helps the sperm to burrow through the egg wall. The sperm plasma then fuses with the plasma membrane of the egg. At this time the sperm head disconnects from the tail and conception of a new life occurs.

Sperm look very different than any other cell in a man’s body. It is true they are shaped that way to help them get where they need to go, but they are also shaped that way because they only carry half as much DNA as other cells in the male body. Because of this the immune system sees them as a foreign invader. Specialized cells in the testicles protect sperm cells, creating a barrier from immune system cells which would otherwise attack and harm them. It is common for this barrier to be broken and sperm to be damaged in as many as 70% off all vasectomy patients.

The testicles are about 7 degrees Fahrenheit cooler than the rest of the body. Healthier sperm need to stay cooler than the rest of the body. The testicles work much like a refrigerator, creating a heat exchange from incoming and outgoing blood vessels.

Conception

Conception is possible if sperm is already present in the fallopian tubes when the egg is released, or if a woman has sex while the egg is alive, causing sperm to swim up through the uterus and into the fallopian tube. Sperm can reach the egg in as little as 30 minutes. If conception is successful, the newly fertilized egg will travel out of the fallopian tube and implant into the uterus 6 to 10 days later. This means that sex up to 5 days prior to ovulation can actually result in pregnancy!

If the egg is not fertilized, it will simply dissolve and pass out with the menstrual flow.

When 2 eggs are released and both are fertilized, this produces fraternal twins. Identical twins are produced when a single embryo splits into two.

When discussing fertilization, the egg is often portrayed as a passive player in the drama of conception, waiting patiently for the first sperm to arrive and burst in. But research has shown that the egg has a much bigger role than previously thought, and that she is in fact quite picky! 

Although we usually think of the sperm doing all the hard work of fertilization, penetrating the docile egg, it is now believed that the egg actually chooses who she lets in or not.

The egg appears to give preference to sperm with intact DNA, producing a compound that softens the outer layer of the egg to allow specific sperm to enter. These studies also suggest that the egg may even actively bind sperm to its surface, thereby not giving the sperm any choice in the matter, trapping the sperm it has chosen. Once a sperm has made its way in, the outer layer of the egg hardens, which prevents entry to any other suitors.

Implantation, the attachment of the fertilized egg to the uterus, happens on average about 9 days after ovulation/fertilization (between 6 and 12 days) and is required for the foetus to continue to grow.

Fertilization results in the creation of a zygote. The zygote begins the process of cleavage or cellular replication, resulting in a morula or ball of cells. At 3 days post-conception a solid ball of 16 cells is present. This blastomere begins to separate into two parts: the trophoblast or outer layer of cells, which will form the placenta, and an inner cell mass or embryoblast, which will begin to differentiate and evolve into the embryo, and a cavity forms within the cell mass. When the cavity is recognizable, the structure of the developing embryo is called a blastocyst. The blastocyst will then implant into the endometrium lining.

The embryo: Twelve days after conception, placental blood circulation and hormone production begins, often detectable in the pregnant woman’s urine by a home pregnancy test. The embryonic stage is where differentiation begins: the creation of cell types that become blood cells, kidney and nerve cells. By 5 weeks the heart has begun to beat and the central nervous system to form, plus tiny buds appear which will be the arms and legs of the now peanut-shaped embryo.

Over the next few weeks up to week 10, fingers and toes form, but may still be webbed. The brain and lungs, elbows and toes, eyelids, ears, facial features and all essential bodily organs have begun to form. Around the end of the first trimester, the baby can make a fist and the head makes up about half of the baby’s size.



The embryo becomes a fetus in the 10th week


The second trimester is week 13 – 27 and the third trimester is from week 28 to birth. In the second trimester, during weeks 15 to 18, fetal movements begin. In weeks 19 – 21, the baby can hear and you may feel fluttering in your lower abdomen. At week 22, you will begin to feel the baby moving and a fetal heartbeat can be heard with a stethoscope. The baby develops a startle reflex at about week 26 and rapid brain development occurs as you move into the third trimester. In that final trimester, the nervous and respiratory systems develop, bones begin to form and fingernails and hair grow.

Life is a miracle, don’t let it slip away,

Open your heart to others, give of yourself each day.

See the beauty in everyone, regardless of where they’ve been,

Some have a difficult journey, and really need a friend.

Share your gifts and talents, listen with your heart.

Do the things you dream about, but don’t have time to start.

Pick a bouquet of flowers, show someone that you care.

Be gracious and forgiving, life is never fair.

Hold on to your courage, you may need it down the road,

We all have a cross to bear, it could be a heavy load.

If you practice all these things, no matter where you roam,

You may find both sun and rain, but you’ll never feel alone.

Recognising and Dealing with Anger

Anger

What Is Anger?

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.  Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself.

Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. However, it can be a problem if you find it difficult to keep it under control.  You can control your anger, and you have a responsibility to do so.

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? a number of things,  one cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural.

Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

“Let it all hang out” is a dangerous myth.  Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge. 

Dealing with anger in other ways

Change the way you think

Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get over exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering

Humour
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

Recognise your anger signs

Dealing with anger is important.  Everyone has a physical reaction to anger. Be aware of what your body is telling you, and take steps to calm yourself down.

Your heart beats faster and you breathe more quickly, preparing you for action.

You might also notice other signs, such as tension in your shoulders or clenching your fists.   If you notice these signs, get out of the situation if you’ve got a history of losing control.

Counting to 10 gives you time to cool down, so you can think more clearly and overcome the impulse to lash out.

Breathe out for longer than you breathe in, and relax as you breathe out.   You automatically breathe in more than out when you’re feeling angry, and the trick is to breathe out more than in.  This will calm you down effectively and help you think more clearly.

Once you can recognise that you’re getting angry, and can calm yourself down, you can start looking at ways to control your anger more generally. 

Exercise can help with anger

Bring down your general stress levels with exercise and relaxation. Running, walking, swimming, yoga and meditation are just a few activities that can reduce stress.  Exercise as part of your daily life is a good way to get rid of irritation and anger.  Looking after yourself may keep you calm.

Make time to relax regularly, and ensure that you get enough sleep. Drugs and alcohol can make anger problems worse.   They lower inhibitions and, actually, we need inhibitions to stop us acting unacceptably when we’re angry.

Get creative

Writing, making music, dancing or painting can release tension and reduce feelings of anger.

Talk about how you feel

Discussing your feelings with a friend can be useful and can help you get a different perspective on the situation.

Let go of angry thoughts

Try to let go of any unhelpful ways of thinking.  Thoughts such as 'It’s not fair,' or 'People like that shouldn’t be on the roads,' can make anger worse."

Thinking like this will keep you focused on whatever it is that’s making you angry.   Let these thoughts go and it will be easier to calm down.

Try to avoid using phrases that include:

 Always (for example:  "You always do that.")

 Never ("You never listen to me.")

 Should or shouldn't ("You should do what I want," or "You shouldn’t be on the roads.")

 Must or mustn't ("I must be on time," or "I mustn't be late.")

 Ought or oughtn’t to ("People ought to get out of my way.")   Not fair

Forgive but not forgive

Forgive but not forgive!

The reason why

I know this man for a while and whenever I did not do as he wanted, I would disappoint him.  So many times he would just block me and he would refuse to speak to me and then unblock me again. I did not even think that he even liked me, with this continual dismissal of me, like I was nothing, with no feelings.  He likes to exert mind control and I often found myself doing thing I was uncomfortable with.

The last time, I disappointed and hurt him; he again blocked me and moved into a relationship with another woman.  The reason why he was hurt is because he said I said something that hurt him, he said that I said that I did not think that we would be good together, and for the life of me I can’t remember this.  I asked him why he did not speak to me about it and he said he did.  This I can’t remember.

Any way I was blocked again, once again!  He ended the relationship with his current girlfriend, and the next thing he is speaking to me again.

Does he know how many times he has hurt me, when he blocked me? When he cut of communication, just like that?  Yet every time, he acted like nothing had happened. Yes it did hurt.  I wondered at times how it would be like to be a friend of his, with his actions I did not even think I was even considered his friend.

Did I try and talk to him?  Yes I did, on many occasions.  Was he prepared to listen?  I doubt it very much.

In one conversation, he told me he only uses sarcasm for those he does not like, I asked him so that means you don’t like me and he said most of the times he does not like me, but I show potential.  He can’t even remember having this conversation.

What I did was wrong, even if I thought I had every right to do what I did.  This is against everything I am.  Of course after what I did, he automatically blocked me again, but again he contacted me.  He wanted to know why I did why I did.

In this conversation he said he forgave me, but would never forget.  I said that is good, don’t forget, I cannot forget also, and I cannot forgive myself either.

Immediately after forgiving me, he blocked me again.

In order to teach him a lesson, I have hurt myself more than he will ever know. 

The reason why I did what I did, I seen how he treats women, if they fail him in some way, that is the end of them, he seems to have no tolerance for others, if things are not going to his liking he does not work on what’s wrong with it, he bails out.

This last woman that he took up with was not prepared to move in with him on a full time bases, and was even considering buying a house.  He did not considered that after a time, and maybe a short time, who knows that she would find that she did not want to leave him, and wanted to be with him on a full time bases.  They had only know each other two months, for god sakes……… that scared me, did I want to be like the rest of his women, no!!!

All types of relationships need work on it, if one partner is not prepared to put even an effort into a relationship; the relationship is doomed to failure right from the beginning.

Was I prepared to sacrifice all for a man that show little tolerance and compassion for others?

If he truly forgave me, why did he block me again?

We don't always have to tell them we have forgiven them. Self-righteously announcing our gracious forgiveness to someone who has not asked to be forgiven may be a manipulation to make them feel guilty. It also is a form of pride.


We might be pressured into false forgiveness before we are ready. When we feel obligated or we forgive just so others will still like us, accept us, or not think badly of us, it's not true forgiveness — it's a performance to avoid rejection. Give yourself permission to do it right. Maybe all you can offer today is, "I want to forgive you, but right now I'm struggling emotionally. I promise I will work on it."

Revenge and Karma

Revenge and Karma

Revenge - Getting Even

Definitions

1. The desire to get even,
2. Retaliation for injury, loss, or humiliation,
3. An attempt to transform shame into pride.
4. Seeking symmetrical injury, harm, or loss

Synonyms
Defending honor, getting even, pay back, reprisal, retribution, retaliation, revanche, vengeance, vendetta, vindication, and avenging a wrong are all synonyms for revenge Although competition has its roots in vengeance, it can be satisfied constructively through organized sports and other formalized contests.

Related terms

Justice, Deterrence, Reprisal, Retribution, Reparations, Remorse, Atonement, Retaliation, Vengeance, Vendetta, Reconciliation

I am a firm believer of karma, “what goes around comes around”, not necessarily to the person that inflected the hurt, but to someone close to them, their loved ones. 

Normally when someone has hurt me, I step back and don’t say anything; I am not one for retaliation or revenge. There is a marked difference between retaliation and revenge.

Retaliation is to hurt someone and make them feel basically the same as they made you feel.

“an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” 

Revenge is making sure you hurt that person that hurt you, hurt them a lot worse. 

For both retaliation and revenge, people should always be accountable for their actions. A new word into the equation is justice, but I think that justice would be served by karma!

I think justice means that a person is held accountable for his actions or her action and they must take responsibility for their actions and make amendments.

Yes we would all like to see justice served to those who hurt us, how can they not know they would be hurting us, how could they not been punished for their wrong doings?

Many people are unable to face the cruelty of their own actions and prefer to avoid any form of confrontation. This avoidance is usually based on fear. They are afraid of being held accountable for their actions, they are afraid of repercussions and they are afraid of admitting their own inadequacies even to themselves; just hearing the truth about their behaviour causes pain. The extreme form of avoidance is to run away from the person who has been hurt, which causes more pain for both people. In this case, justice leads to further separation and betrayal.

There is nothing wrong with confronting people with the pain they have caused, even if the end result is painful. Individuals need to be responsible for their behaviour. If we do not confront the people who have committed the inequity, the hostility can build inside ourselves, which can be psychologically damaging. Yet, based on fear, we live in a society where some people avoid all forms of negativity, even at the expense of justice.

Past experience with confrontations about negative behaviour can lead to a complete avoidance of anything unpleasant in an attempt to preserve the “friendship.” Yet real friends can face the responsibility of the pain they cause others, without destroying the relationship.

Someone who runs away from others when negativity is exposed could never be a real friend to anyone. These people are continually running away from themselves and they repeatedly refuse to take responsibility for their actions. It is no different from someone who runs away from the law after committing a crime. In both cases, justice is being avoided.

Revenge is an emotion that is based on hatred. Negative actions are pursued only to further punish the person who inflicted the initial pain. Taking responsibility for actions is never enough. The “victim” feels that a greater punishment is deserved.

Revenge appears to make the “victim” feel better but actions based on hatred only cause pain.

“To hate is to acknowledge our inferiority and fear; we do not hate a foe whom we are confident we can overcome. He who wishes to revenge injuries by reciprocal hatred will live in misery.”

“To hold onto the pain and seek to exact revenge will simply keep you stuck in pain, and the problem will be exacerbated.

“If you’re going to seek revenge, you’d better dig two graves.’”

Revenge is similar to a punishment that exceeds the severity of the “crime.” Revenge also changes the balance of negative energy. Initially, the person who causes the pain has the “negative score” but once revenge occurs, negativity is also attached to the person who decides to be revengeful.

“Two wrongs never make a right”

When negative actions are painful, rather than illegal, it is impossible to know the correct punishment. That is why the principle of karma is so powerful. It states that individuals do not need to decide the appropriate punishment because the universe ensures the natural balance of negative and positive energy.

Karma is the universal system of justice and it is conducted without emotion or negative judgment. Karma states that for every action there will be a corresponding and appropriate reaction. “What you sow, that is what you reap.” 

If someone acts positively, then positive energy will come back to the person and if someone acts negatively, then negative energy will come back to the person. There is actually no need for human interference with this system because it works flawlessly. It works just like a boomerang. The boomerang comes back to us every time it is thrown into the air. Inevitably, we are responsible for our actions.

Anything and everything that we do to others will sooner or later be done to us by someone, somewhere. The good that we do to others we shall receive back in like measure; and the evil that we do to others in like manner we shall receive back too. This does not in the least mean that the same people whom we treat well or ill will be the actual ones to return the action.

For every unkind word that you speak to or about another person, an unkind word will be spoken to or about you. For every time that you cheat, you will be cheated. For every time that you deceive, you will be deceived. For every lie that you utter, you will be lied to. Every time that you neglect a duty, or evade a responsibility, or misuse authority over other people, you are doing something for which you will inevitably have to pay by suffering a like injury yourself…

If, however, they understood that the law of retribution is a Cosmic Law, impersonal and unchanging as the law of gravity…they would think twice before they treated other people unjustly. The law of gravity never sleeps, is never off duty or off its guard, is never tried out, is neither compassionate nor vindictive; and no one would ever dream of trying to evade it, or coax it, or bribe it, or intimidate it.

If we want to be free of blame, it is probably best not to blame others. Forgiving others is positive and revenge toward others is negative. Based on the system of karma, by forgiving someone else, we are actually forgiving ourselves because we are creating positive energy that can mitigate our past acts of negativity.

Retaliation versus Revenge

Retaliation versus Revenge

Do people understand the differences between retaliation and revenge — and more importantly, why should this matter?

There is a marked difference between these two concepts and people whose moral code has not been developed enough to distinguish between retaliation and revenge.

How do we define retaliation?

If a person feels the need to retaliate against someone else for a wrong doing, this may mean less a focus on the “what,” but more focus on the “why.” This is a more rational and reasonable thought process. Why did they do this to me? Why did they shame me? Why did they pick on me? Why did they bully me, etc.?

Someone seeking retaliation against a person who has done them wrong in their eyes - making them feel “less than” – justifies their actions by searching for the reason behind the injustice and is simply attempting to even the balance by making the person feel the same way they felt.

What we mean by revenge

A person seeking revenge intends to do something even worse to the person who wronged them: “If I can make them feel worse than I did, then I will get them back better than they did me.” So in their eyes the reasoning is justified because they are intensifying what was done to them.

What’s missing: Accountability?

However, the way a person processes this accountability is to remove themselves from the equation of consequences because they did not start the action taken against them. In their eyes the situation is out of their control from the very start.

The concept of accountability is something we need to educate our children from a very young age about. Who starts something does not dictate the outcome. Each and every person is accountable for his or her own actions. Parents must provide the necessary education and guidance to help their children see things differently than what is seen through their own mind, so they become responsible adults when they grow up.

Anger and how we react

At times I get angry and when I feel if I speak out, things will only get worse, and there will be retribution for it, I feel that then it would be better to shut up and keep quiet.  That is why I get angry in the first place.  This withheld anger leads to depression and sometimes the depression gets very bad.  There are times I think confrontation is needed, but I must be so careful that they don't sense that I am upset and even angry, they will turn this against me. I feel that it's better to have a conversation where I don't try and contribute blame to others, that they can have their say also.  This approach means that people must be prepared to listen, and really listen.  Most of my life I have taking the approach of flight, shutting down completely and not feeling anything emotionally, but I know that I can't keep doing this, it's hurting me in the long run.

Anger
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.

Anger and how we react 

Confrontation – Compassionate Confrontation, the appropriate response in most cases, being the hardest to implement at all.

The right state of mind, (stand down). 

Understand what’s going on with both sides of a dispute/issue.

Arrange a meeting if possible (wait for a ‘good time’).

Talk about your observations and feelings, without ranting or blame,

Actively listen to the other’s point of view.

Try to find a win-win solution

Depression, when anger is not dealt with, gets turned inward at one self. Lashing out can cause guilt and alienation, leading to depression, or long-term depression.  Depression can make emotions overwhelming, increasing the likelihood of anger outbursts. Breaking this cycle usually requires therapy and sometimes medication.

Flight (internal) running away from someone who’s angry or causing our anger. This can take the form of shutting down emotionally, physical paralysis, leaving the situation as soon as possible and avoiding angry people (situations) permanently.  Sometimes our flight response can encourage aggression in the other person, if they feel disrespected or abandoned.

Fight (external) a verbally or physically violent confrontation, either to what’s ‘causing’ the anger or to the angry person.  Some people accidentally step on our emotional land-mines and get blasted. Some are perpetrators who use anger to get ‘a rise’ out of others.  People, who know us well, know our buttons and can always push them to punish or get back at us. Narcissists can easily get us riled up because of their inability to consider us at all, as if we didn’t exist…….

Revenge, is made up of retreating, in order to attack later, with obsessive planning, these angry people first evaluate the possibility of winning or losing. Because of their emotional intensity, they can easily overestimate their personal power – getting into unnecessary losing battles.

Revenge & Fight responses are linked: Anger victims’ desire for revenge or mastery can cause them to also develop anger problems.  People — may vow to never again let them be vulnerable, becoming hostile to others on the theory that “a good offense is the best defense ”

Revenge is a type of retaliation for injury (real or not) and if one is truly in a powerless position, it’s may feel like the only option available to express their ‘displeasure’.

 

President Jacob Zuma - Public out cry, home renovation R238 million

South Africa's political parties

South Africa has a vibrant multiparty political system, with 13 parties represented in the National Assembly of Parliament.

 
The African National Congress (ANC) is the majority party, with 249 of the 400 National Assembly seats. The party controls eight of the country's nine provinces, with the exception of the Western Cape, where the Democratic Alliance has been in power since 2009 elections. In 2014, the DA secured 59.38% of the provincial vote.

 
The ANC controls seven of the eight metropolitan municipalities. Nonetheless, South Africa's opposition parties remain robust and vocal.

 
South Africa's Parliament is made up of two houses: the National Assembly and the National Council of Provinces. The National Assembly is the more influential, passing legislation and overseeing executive performance. Its members are elected for a term of five years.

 
All South African citizens over the age of 18 eligible to vote, if they register to do so. So far, South Africa has had fully inclusive democratic elections every five years since 1994. Before the end of apartheid, only white South Africans were allowed to vote for the national government.

The ANC - African Native National Congress

The organisation was initially founded as the South African Native National Congress (SANNC) on 8 January 1912 in Bloemfontein, with

the aim of fighting for the rights of black South Africans. The organization was renamed the ANC in 1923.

The DA - Democratic Alliance

The Democratic Party (DP), now the Democratic Alliance (DA), was formed on 8 April 1989, when the former Progressive Federal Party, Independent Party and National Democratic Movement merged. Under the combined leadership of Zach de Beer, Denis Worrall and Wynand Malan.

The ANC, which came to power after toppling white apartheid rule in 1994, crushed an opposition bid to impeach Zuma last week but has faced rising calls, including from some of its veteran members, to remove him.

"It is not the Constitutional Court judgement that is the issue. The issue is the trust deficit that has developed, with people beginning to trust us less and less and less and less," ANC secretary-general Gwede Mantashe said on Sunday.

Speaking at the anniversary of the 1993 killing of anti-apartheid activist Chris Hani, Mantashe defended the ANC's rejection of the impeachment drive against Zuma; saying to do otherwise would have served the opposition's agenda.

"But it doesn't absolve us from looking into our own behaviour. There must be change in our behaviour as a movement," he added. "If we don't change our behaviour, we become arrogant in dealing with our problems. We are going to pay the price."

Mantashe spoke as residents in poor townships vowed to boycott August local government elections out of anger that the ANC has done little to improve their lives, dashing the hopes that accompanied Nelson Mandela's inauguration as South Africa's first black president two decades ago.

Zuma's own presidency has been riddled with controversy. Most recently, his close ties with the wealthy Gupta family have come under scrutiny after the deputy finance minister said the Indian-born family had influenced the sudden firing of his former boss in December.

On Friday, Zuma's son Duduzane said he would sell his investments in a mining firm owned by the Guptas amid speculation the family is wielding undue political influence.

The City Press newspaper reported on Sunday that some Gupta family members had left South Africa for Dubai following their resignation from positions at some local companies after major banks dropped the firms as clients.

Representatives of the family's business interests declined to comment on the story.
"The Gupta family has no further comment at this time, and will not be detailing the individual movements of family members," a short statement said in response to Reuter’s questions.
"The onus is now on the business establishment and the banks to do the right thing."

Zuma’s home improvements cost taxpayer more than R200m

Jacob Zuma is facing investigation amid public outcry over intentions to renovate his home in Nklanda and build a nearby town - coined ‘Zumaville’ - at a massive cost to SA taxpayers.

 

PRESIDENT Zuma is facing investigation amid public outcry over intentions to renovate his home in Nkandla and build a nearby town – coined ‘Zumaville’ – at a massive cost to SA taxpayers.

Disquiet over the debacle, which has been referred to by The Guardian as “Nkandlagate”, increased on Monday after it was revealed that the R238m expected to be spent on renovating Zuma’s residence – up from the predicted R6.4m two years ago – was significantly more than the amount spent on former presidents’ homes, including Mandela’s. Zuma, whose planned renovations include a helipad, medical clinic, playground and visitors’ center, originally said he would foot the majority of the bill for the work, but it has since transpired that he will pay just 5%.

The latest outcry follows controversy in August over proposals that R2bn would be spent on building a town two miles from Zuma’s home, to create a middle-class backwater community in an area that currently has a 47.4% rate of unemployment. The timing of “Nkandlagate” is significant, following the recent spate of miner’s strikes and the impending end-of-year elections.

“[Zuma] is behaving like a monarch rather than the president of the republic,” said Aubrey Matshiqi of the Helen Suzman Foundation, as reported by The Guardian. “It makes me think of the king of Swaziland or Jean-Bédel Bokassa [self-crowned emperor of the Central African Republic].”

Timeslive has reported that at the ANC conference in June this year Zuma deplored the state of living conditions in South Africa, saying that the problems of the nation were keeping him awake at night. His words are now being thrown back at him by he opposition. “I have paid visits to a number of areas where you can’t believe that you are in South Africa.” He reportedly said. “Why should I see that, as the president of the country, not even of the ANC, and think that I could sleep peacefully when I know there are people who live in things you can’t even describe as a house?”

The Umlalazi-Nkandla Smart Growth Centre, the official name of “Zumaville”, will be funded by more than R1bn of taxpayers’ money as well as a further R1bn from the private sector. The plans have faced criticism over favoritism, but Zuma has retaliated with arguments that people in his home-area shouldn’t be penalised just because of their location. Last month he told parliament that rural development was happening throughout the country, and that he did not intervene to ensure that improvements focused on his region. “Why should people at Nkandla, 3km from where Zuma stays, starve?” he said. “Why must they be isolated? Why should others who are in other areas be more important than those? Should they be punished because they are neighbours of Zuma? I don’t think so.”

The parliamentary leader of the DA, Lindiwe Mazibuko, said: “The DA has learnt that thousands of people living on the outskirts of Nkandla, in villages like Babanango, Kataza and Ebizimali, are still without the most basic services. Yet 2bn rand will be spent on a multi-purpose center a few kilometers away from President Zuma’s homestead.”

Meanwhile the public protector, Thuli Madonsela, has received a number of complaints about irregular spending on Zuma’s residence, and has started collating information that could lead to a full investigation. Civil society group Corruption Watch is also looking into the situation.