Why should religion have an impact on a relationship?

Why should religion have an impact on a relationship?  People should respect other people’s believes.  People in a relationship should have a clear understanding of how and why their partner’s faith is important to them.  Like all subjects, religion, people should be able to discuss with their partner’s why their faith matters to them, and how it effects their life’s

Religion choices are usually dictated to us by our parents.  Whatever religion our parents adopted, is the religion we will follow.  How our parents handled their religion would be how we would. 

I look how religion affected me growing up.  My father placed no value on religion, but he always respected my mother’s religion. My mother’s religion was Methodist at first; I guess that is the religion that her parents followed.  As time went on, it was the Catholic Church that inspired my mother. It was the Catholic priest that took the time to visit my mother, in hospital, when she was a little girl.  Let me explain my mother’s life for you, so you can have a better understanding.

When my mother was about three years old, she got polio, in those days, many children died.  The doctors did not know about polio in those days, that muscles affected by the illness could be kept alive by the simple method of keep those affected muscles warm.  My mother was in hospital for a very long time.  Many times they thought she would die.  She went through many operations, where they cut out the dead muscles.  They put her in a body cast.  She could only lie on her back and stare at the ceiling.  Her mother taught her to read at the age of four.  The Catholic priest also visited my mother, for the priest, my mother’s religion had no bearing on his visits.  He saw a little girl that needed attention.  I know that the priest never tried to convert my mother.

Later on in my mother’s life, the Catholic priest came back into her life.  Again the priest came and just talked to my mother.  My mother was in a wheel chair, and could not drive a car.  The few friends my mother had were amazing; they would come and fetch her and take her to their house, or take her to have her hair done.  My mother was not always in a wheelchair, she wore catapults on both legs, with special shoes attached to the bottom of them.  One day the dog, jumped up at her, she fall and useable muscles in her legs were damaged. 

My parents were not rich people, and for a while my mother got around on a piano stool, that had wheels on the legs.  You know coming to think of it, I never gave it a thought how my parents took care of us children.  They send us to a Catholic Convent, not because of the religion, but because it was a private school and the education level was much higher than the government schools.  The sacrifices they made for us.

My father had no religion; he never took my mother to church.  The visits from the priest, the kindness he showed her.  This is what convinced my mother to change her religion, and become a Catholic.  The priest would come once a week and hold a mass for her.

My mother insisted that all her children convert also.  Even though we all went to a catholic school, we were never made to take part in the religion lessons or attend church.  I never gave it one minute thought about converting, religion had never played a part in my life before, and I just went with what my mother wanted.

When my eldest daughter was born and I wanted to have her baptised in the Catholic Church.  There was no opening for to be baptised for a while.  They were booked for a while with christenings.  As soon as the priest learned that I was a single mother, he arranged for my daughter to be baptised immediately.  This is something I did not like about the Catholic Church; they believe that the child is born with the sins of the parents.  I had a hard time in understanding this belief.  Though I think it came from Adam and Eve, when sin was first brought to this earth that all babies would then be born with sins, because of Adam and Eve.

When my second daughter was born several years later, I never got her baptised in the Catholic Church.  I was much older then, and I decided, I will let my children decide what religion they would follow.

Today, both my daughters today don’t follow any religion or go to church.  They are good people, and have very good values, and personally I feel this is all that one needs these days.

I, myself don’t follow or practise religion.  Yes, I do believe in God and try and live my life the way God wants me to.  When I look at people that practise and follow a religion, my heart grows heavy with sadness.  You would think that because these people do have a religion, they would be better people.  Not so, it seems that they don’t practice what is preached to them.  Hurting other people and not helping others, seems to be the trend these days.  People lack of compassion for others, they hold grudges and rarely do they forgive another people.

There is no religion that is better than another religion.  Why religion could have an impact on others, not because of the religion itself, but because of the way religion is practised by individuals.  Those few individuals that actually practised what is the bible:  practise their religion by going out and doing good deeds, these people inspire others to follow their certain religion.

Oh how I hate those people, that don’t even practise their own religion, and then they make such an issue of theirs partner’s religion, because it different from their own.  All of a sudden religion matters to them? Why?  It’s beyond my understanding.  If your partner has a different religion and you don’t even follow your own, why must this become a problem?  Even if people did follow their religion, have very strong beliefs, why must this be a problem?

Explore your own religious identity.  . Take the time to remember your past – your childhood, your family, the moment you decided to pursue your faith regardless of what your parents or friends told you to do. Have you had any life-changing religious experiences? After reflecting and remembering these things, take a serious inventory of life as it is now. Find the most important aspects of your faith, the practices that mean the most to you, and the “deal-breakers” you have, if any.

Once both people in a relationship have examined their religious identities, it’s time for discussion. While discussions about religion can be uncomfortable, emotional, and downright antagonistic at times, letting these issues simmer will only cause trouble. In that regard, it’s no different from other potentially difficult issues. Unlike some other issues, religious differences can take a longer time to resolve.

Another useful thing to do is to separate your culture and your religion. Are you attached to a practice because you remember it fondly from your upbringing, or because your faith is a part of that practice? Prayers before bed, coming of age ceremonies, and more are often regarded as religious activities. They are often still practiced by people who do not consider themselves very religious. It’s important to know where you stand. If your diet or your morning routine is things you’ve done all your life but don’t impact your beliefs, could you give them up for the sake of the relationship? Or, do you truly believe those things are necessary for your spiritual growth?

Realize that if a compromise is reached, it must be one that will not cause either partner to resent the other. Having core beliefs challenged is difficult for everybody – remember that in conversation about these issues. You’re in a relationship with your partner for a reason. Remembering why you love them in the difficult moments will bring you back to a healthy, non-destructive perspective. Though hard, it is possible to have honest anger or frustration while still loving somebody. Our culture demonizes anger, but healthy couples understand how to express it without harming their partner.

When you discuss the differences in religion, share the stories you took the time to remember and reflect upon. As Mr Rogers, perhaps the kindest and wisest man America has seen, said, “It’s hard not to like somebody once you know their story.” Sometimes the people we love are the hardest people to like. You may discover a new facet of your partner that is beautiful and strong. It may not be easy to understand, and you may have a hard time relating to it, but spiritual intimacy adds new depth to a relationship. You knew before how they relate to you, but now you can see how they relate to God, the universe, or the world in a more accurate way. It may amaze you.