EMPATHY
I asked
someone what empathy means and I was told it means it is feeling the feelings
of
other
people. The answer was simple.
I been
hearing this word a lot lately and I have a basic idea of it but I wanted to
know more about empathy. Usually nothing
is simple if it is worth anything especially when it comes to feelings and
relationships.
People that
have empathy:-
· They are more concerned about others than themselves
· They put another’s needs before their own
· They are compassionate
· They are comfortable being their True Self regardless of who
they’re with
· They are comfortable with their vulnerabilities
· They are highly resilient and emotionally flexible
For
me it this, when I have a connection with a person, I am drawn to that
person. It can be someone I know or even
a complete stranger. Firstly it is their
facial expression and their body language.
I don’t really have to know how they are feeling by their voice. This is just a confirmation of what I already
felt. It is the nonverbal signs that I
pick up.
It
is another matter if I am speaking to someone over WhatsApp, skype. I can’t see them so how they sound is very
important. Their voice goes flat, they
don’t seem themselves.
People I know very well just have to say hello and I immediately pick it
up.
Yes
one has to be in tune with one’s own feelings.
We need to understand our own emotions.
I feel that I can pick up people’s emotions as I find empathy is lacking
towards me in my own life. Yes I get
sympathy but I never had anybody feel what I was I am feeling and connected
with me on this level. They might go
through the same experience but for all purpose they can never see that I have
gone down the same path.
For me the art is to become an observer.
This is not because I don’t care because I care too much. It is not about me anymore. It is about the other person. The main thing is to engage and listen, and
really listen.
The
one time I was in a shop at the checkout counter and this woman came in, got
what she wanted to purchase and was standing beside me. I immediately sensed that something was
wrong. It is none of my business,
right. No, I started to talk to her and
asked her how she was. She was very
reluctant to start a conversation with me but them the damn burst inside
her. She was crying, her husband had
been shot in a robbery and he was in critical condition in hospital. They did not know if he would make it. She went on to tell me how and when this
happened. I listened as she kept
talking. My heart was breaking. I too ended up crying but I did not want her
to see this. She regained her composure
and pulled herself together. It was hard
for her but all she really needed was someone she could talk too. She left in a better state of mind than when
she came in. The teller asks me “how did
you know that something was wrong?”
We know
what people with empathy have, now for those that don’t.
· They are insensitive to others’ needs
· They act selfishly
· Behaviourally impulsive; decisions based on emotional impulse
· They are argumentative or always have to be “right”
· Quick to find fault in others
· Blame others for their own problems
· They hide their vulnerabilities or minimize them
· Struggle inter-personally
· Limited of Self-awareness
It
is not easy to know when a person lacks empathy as these people have their own
agenda for what they are doing by faking empathy.
Playing
the hero by fixing someone’s problem and saving them is one form of a hidden
agenda. Or when a person encourages
another to talk about their problems and can’t wait to spread it to
others. They are faking empathy.
False
claims of how much empathy they have for others. How at times it can be too much for them to
deal with emotionally. One thing about
empathy for others one does not need to be praised for how caring one is for
another.
They have no interest in another insecurity,
depression or anxiety. They cannot even
relate to the person not like they don’t know how it is to feel insecure, even
jealous, depressed or suffering from anxiety as they claim it is of no
importance as they rarely feel any of these things.
A person that looks for a solution in relationships, even self-medicates, takes
up hobbies that become compulsive, various other things that are self–sabotaging
in order to forget, they using it disengage themselves on how they are truly
feeling. This is regarded as not genuine empathy for themselves or other
people.
Similarly,
if a person uses chasing relationships, self-medicates, compulsively engaging
in hobbies, or engages in any other self-sabotaging pattern as their
go-to distraction — they are using these distractions to
numb and disconnect which is often based on a self-serving agenda, not genuine
empathy for themselves, or another.
Anything in moderation is good but when it
becomes excess it is considered unhealthy and even toxic.
In the end, we have not enough
empathy or too much empathy. To little means we are selfish and too much makes
us at a risk of not been able to cope with what we are feeling emotionally.
References
Gardner, H. (1983). Frames of mind: The theory of multiple intelligences.
New York: Basic Books.
Szczepek Reed, B. (2020). Reconceptualising mirroring: Sound imitation and
rapport in naturally occurring interaction. Journal of
Pragmatics, 167, 131–151.
