What has love got to do with it?

What has love got to do with it?

The reason for the title of this blog, what has love got to do with it?  When one loves and the love is returned, we know it in our hearts.  We feel so many different emotions.  Our outlook on the world is so much different. We can do anything.

It’s all got to do with how we feel, our emotions and when one gets confused and starts expecting different things from the person that loves us.  Things have a downward swing.

For in all honesty love should never be about ourselves.  Love is unselfish……..

Love is not materialistic and so many of us see love this way.

Give from the heart …………

I have a saying

Things or people that really matter come with a price …….

Anyone or anything that matters is worthy of that price

Love is involuntary.  Brain science tells us it's a drive like thirst.  It's a craving for a specific person. It's normal, natural to "lose control" in the early stage of romance.  Love, like thirst, will make you do strange things, but knowledge is power.  We were built to fall in love.

To me the ability of been able to love stems from when we are born.  If there is no love from a mother, then as we grow up, we ourselves are unable to give or receive love.  To us it might be love but how do we know if we are truly giving or receiving love?  I think that denial of a mother’s love does so much damage and sometimes it can never be reversed.

LOVE is every child right when they enter this world.  A mother’s love is so different from any other type of love.

What is the meaning of a mother's love?

 

A loving mother is a lot more than that. A mom is someone who is there for their children, who loves them no matter what. Who will lay down their life for their children? It's a selfless sacrifice and a mom isn't a mom by just giving birth, but a mom can be a mom to any child even if it's not their child.

Being a parent is not easy.  What we do and don’t do can have consequences far into the future. Do we think what sort of adult our child will become?

Can you remember back to all the people that you have been close to? Lovers, friends and even family members that seem to have a side to them that is really problematic?  That always leads to arguments and disagreements? You wonder what the hell made them like this.

More than often the route of all their problems, stem back to their mothers and father.  They did not receive love from their parents, or too much love?  Parents are not there when they are needed.  Parents are not involved enough.

Characterology was developed by Wilhelm Reich.  This is to categorise people into 5 different groups according to their experience in the family structure.

1.  The unwanted child, a child who felt unwanted, usually by the mother, tend to transfer the perceived hostility into the choices they make themselves and it extends into their relationship.

2.  The needy child, a child that was often adored as babies, but as they grew, and became “people” they were discarded emotionally, left to cope on their own.  This let them to become excessively needy and demanding.  Or they developed an aversion to their neediness.

3.  The endurer, are children of controlling parents.  The child constantly doubts herself or himself, and they have to have their parents’ guide them.

4.  The controller, are children of parents that judged and belittle them.  The parents make them something they themselves want their children to be.  The child them only concentrates on this and hides who they truly are.  These children have a talent to manipulate or get love but deep inside they are crippled with insecurity and self-doubt

5.  The perfectionist, are children that was continually rejected by the parent of the opposite sex and possibly also of the same sex.  The parent is more likely to be a perfectionist themselves.  The child learns that it is unsafe to love sexually with an open heart.  The child will not put herself or himself in a situation that will lead to painful outcomes.

 

 

 

Touch in a child’s development, how important is touch later on with our romantic partners.

 

Did you know that when your baby is born its’ sense of touch is one of its best developed senses?  Of course it isn’t fully developed at birth, but the new-born can certainly feel touch better than what they can hear, see or even taste!

 

A study released on October 8, 2013 confirms the importance of human touch to healthy brain development. Researchers in the UK found that loving touch characterized by a slow caress or gentle stroking increases the brain's ability to construct a sense of body ownership and plays a big part in creating and sustaining a healthy sense of self.

Much like the instinct to lovingly pet an animal, gently touching another person is a reflexive gesture that happens automatically in healthy, loving relationships between a parent and a child, romantic partners, and affectionate close friends. We all know from first-hand experience that being touched makes us feel safe and comfortable in our environment.

A child that is loved right from the start grows up to be a well-adjusted adult who in turn loves unconditionally.  Love is all about emotions that we feel; the different levels of emotions we feel depend on who we are.

The following words that are used with love, Communication, forgiveness, intimacy, respect, compassion, companionship, trust and loyalty.  These things are things that should be present when one loves another. A healthy love - that will survive anything.  Above all else is friendship.

Needless to say all these words apply to any love, so what makes romantic love the thing we as people seek?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE; where love is given no matter what.  It does not matter how many times another person disappoints us, or embarrasses us, or hurts us to the core; that love is there forever.

SELFLESSNESS is the underlying theme of existence. It’s the glue that holds the world together, and it is, in fact, what we mean by the term ‘love’. Indeed, if we consider religious terminology, the old Christian word for love was ‘caritas’, which means charity or giving or selflessness;

ADMIRATION

1.  a feeling of wonder, pleasure, or approval.

2.  the act of looking on or contemplating with pleasure:

admiration of fine paintings.

 

3.  an object of wonder, pleasure, or approval:

The dancer was the admiration of everyone.

 

To me admiration does not fall into the word category for love.  To have admiration for another, because of who they are, what they overcome and what they do in their lives does not make us loved by them or even the reverse.  I would say if someone says to you that they still admire you, that once they loved you and they were waiting to be loved in return, but that never happened.  Either they stopped loving or they started to pretend that did not feel that way anymore.  To truly love, is to have that person still around, to be able to participate in that person life, even if they just on the outskirts.

 

LOYALTY

With your partner you would want to be faithful to him or her in every way possible.  Loyalty goes beyond fidelity.  Loyalty includes being honest about your thoughts and feelings and being committed to your partner.

One cannot be loyal to a partner if one is not honest with oneself.  When you disloyal to your partner, you’re just fooling yourself.  You have to be transparent, hones and loyal to yourself in order to be loyal to your partner.

 

Loyalty includes emotional fidelity.  One does not physically have to cheat to be disloyal to a partner.  If you flirt with another, or falling for someone else, your are being unfaithful to your partner.

 

Loyalty means never hiding anything from your partner.

 

Loyalty means sharing everything with your partner.

 

Loyalty means never telling white lies. 

 

Loyalty means staying with your partner through sickness and health, in good times and bad times.  Be the solid rock that your partner can always count on, no matter what!

 

IDEOLISED PERCEPTION

We all have an idea what love should be and when we actively seek romance and try to force a relationship, they will rarely work out the way we want them to.  We then feel unwanted, hurt and disheartened.

 

Love comes when we stop looking for it.  It just happens!

 

COMPANIONSHIP

Trust is very essential with companionship and trust must be there for good sex.  Sex is never as good as when there is love.  After sex a feeling that something is missing, something is not quite right, when love is not present.

 

To be a truly loving, a relationship would need to work on a number of levels.  Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotional.  They are all woven and balanced with caring and companionship.

 

Companionship can be better than sex ……………..

 

NURTURING

A relationship cannot work on its own to survive.  It needs care and nurturing of two adults, giving in a way that creates a mutual beneficial connection.

 

Communication falls under nurturing.  The more you communicate, the closer you will be.

 

Walking out that door without working on the problem will not lead to happiness.

 

Doing things together, that brings enjoyment.  What you both like doing and can do it together.

 

Sharing difficult times with your partner and making self-correcting moves and involve your partner.

 

Compliment your partner, give emotional support and make sure you there no matter what.

 

Share goals and dreams, working together to achieve them.

 

Have the desire to be together.  Desire each other.  If the spark has gone, there are ways to rekindle it.  All one has to do is try.

 

Wither the storms together with compassion, acceptance and forgiveness.

That is what a relationship is all about!

 

Experiencing different things will bring a couple together.  Make the bond stronger.

 

TOLERANCE

Put up with the other partner.  This can be it is very difficult.

 

Retaliation is not a very good thing.  It causes so much hurt.

 

Manipulation is something; we humans are a master at this.  We use guilt, disappointment, fear and anger.

 

Admit to mistakes and let go of their mistakes.  Try some understanding it goes a long way and brings more joy into ones live.

 

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance of others can be much easier than accepting ourselves.  Accepting ourselves can help us accept traits and quirks in our partners.

 

SELF COMPASSION

This can help us enhance our relationship with others and especially with our romantic partners

 

BOUNDARIES

Setting up boundaries was considered a bad thing.  To define a boundary, “the line where I end and someone else begins”.  When the boundaries are clearly defined and respected, one does not need to put up walls.  In a healthy relationship the partners “ask permission”, take the others feelings into account, show gratitude and respect differences in opinion, perspective and feelings.

 

In less than healthy relationships, partners assume that their partner feels the same way they do.  They ignore the fact that is violating their partner’s boundaries.

 

Boundaries are very critical especial in a romantic relationship.  The reason is partners inhabit each other’s most intimate spaces, including physical, emotional and sexual.

 

Communicate your boundaries that work and don’t work.

 

When another person says they love you, what does it mean?

 

I guess in order to understand love, one has to recognise there is many different loves, and depending on the person, how deep and true it goes.

 

A woman saying to a man that she loves him does not necessary mean that it is a sexual love and that she wants to stay with him forever.  She could mean it as loving just as a friend.

 

A man that says he loves a woman is prompted to say so as he is physically attractive to her and has a sexual relationship with her.

 

Love for our children and our parents

 

Love between siblings

 

Love between family members

 

Love for animals ( I mean the 4 legged variety and not the 2 lol)

 

Romantic Love – between two people or opposite sex or same sex

 

 

ATTACHMENT

Attachment theory is a psychological model that attempts to describe the dynamics of long-term and short-term interpersonal relationships between humans. However, "attachment theory is not formulated as a general theory of relationships. It addresses only a specific facet": how human beings respond within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones, or perceiving a threat.

 

There is danger when attachment is regarded as true love.

 

 

 

I have noticed that people are scared to be alone, that they will settle for second best instead of waiting for the right person to come alone.  I know we don’t know when this is going to happen that means that we need to socialize and have people around us that are just friends. Have a life to live, places to go, friends to visit, hobbies and become all-rounder.

 

The main problem is people look for someone to complete them but in reality if we are lacking in ourselves, we cannot give completely in a relationship like we should.  We first need to work on ourselves so that being alone is something we don’t think anything wrong with. 

 

 

We all need to feel special and that is just not one in a relationship.  The little things can break or make a relationship. Most importantly we need to make the other person feel very special.

 

I do know this that any relationships, wither is between siblings, friends and especially romantic love, have to be worked on continually.  Both people in the relationship are constantly changing, and both needs to keep on what is occurring in the other person’s life.

 

Maybe we are unhappy with our selection, but when something happens and we lose them.  We then realize what we have lost.