What
has love got to do with it?
The reason for the title of this blog, what has love got
to do with it? When one loves and the love
is returned, we know it in our hearts.
We feel so many different emotions.
Our outlook on the world is so much different. We can do anything.
It’s all got to do with how we feel, our emotions and
when one gets confused and starts expecting different things from the person
that loves us. Things have a downward
swing.
For in all honesty love should never be about
ourselves. Love is unselfish……..
Love is not materialistic and so many of us see love this
way.
Give from the heart …………
I have a saying
Things
or people that really matter come with a price …….
Anyone or
anything that matters is worthy of that price
Love is
involuntary. Brain science tells us it's a drive like thirst. It's
a craving for a specific person. It's normal, natural to "lose
control" in the early stage of romance. Love, like thirst, will make
you do strange things, but knowledge is power.
We were built to fall in love.
To me the ability of been able to
love stems from when we are born. If
there is no love from a mother, then as we grow up, we ourselves are unable to
give or receive love. To us it might be
love but how do we know if we are truly giving or receiving love? I think that denial of a mother’s love does
so much damage and sometimes it can never be reversed.
LOVE is every child right when they enter this world. A mother’s love is so different from any
other type of love.
What is the meaning of a mother's
love?
A loving mother is a lot more than that. A mom is someone who is
there for their children, who loves
them no matter what. Who will lay down their life for their children? It's a
selfless sacrifice and a mom isn't a mom by just giving birth, but a mom can be
a mom to any child even if it's not their child.
Being a parent is not easy. What we do and don’t do can have consequences
far into the future. Do we think what sort of adult our child will become?
Can you remember back to all the
people that you have been close to? Lovers, friends and even family members
that seem to have a side to them that is really problematic? That always leads to arguments and
disagreements? You wonder what the hell made them like this.
More than often the route of all
their problems, stem back to their mothers and father. They did not receive love from their parents,
or too much love? Parents are not there
when they are needed. Parents are not
involved enough.
Characterology was developed by
Wilhelm Reich. This is to categorise
people into 5 different groups according to their experience in the family
structure.
1.
The unwanted child, a child who felt unwanted, usually by the mother,
tend to transfer the perceived hostility into the choices they make themselves
and it extends into their relationship.
2.
The needy child, a child that was often adored as babies, but as they
grew, and became “people” they were discarded emotionally, left to cope on
their own. This let them to become
excessively needy and demanding. Or they
developed an aversion to their neediness.
3.
The endurer, are children of controlling parents. The child constantly doubts herself or
himself, and they have to have their parents’ guide them.
4.
The controller, are children of parents that judged and belittle
them. The parents make them something
they themselves want their children to be.
The child them only concentrates on this and hides who they truly
are. These children have a talent to manipulate
or get love but deep inside they are crippled with insecurity and self-doubt
5. The
perfectionist, are children that was continually rejected by the parent of the
opposite sex and possibly also of the same sex.
The parent
is more likely to be a perfectionist themselves. The child learns that it is unsafe to love
sexually with an open heart. The child
will not put herself or himself in a situation that will lead to painful
outcomes.
Touch in a
child’s development, how important is touch later on with our romantic
partners.
Did you know that when your baby
is born its’ sense of touch is one of its best developed senses? Of
course it isn’t fully developed at birth, but the new-born can certainly feel
touch better than what they can hear, see or even taste!
A study released on October 8, 2013 confirms the
importance of human touch to healthy brain development.
Researchers in the UK found that loving touch characterized by a slow caress or
gentle stroking increases the brain's ability to construct a sense of body
ownership and plays a big part in creating and sustaining a healthy sense of
self.
Much like the instinct to lovingly pet an animal, gently
touching another person is a reflexive gesture that happens automatically in
healthy, loving relationships between a parent and a child, romantic partners, and affectionate
close friends. We all know from first-hand experience that being touched makes us feel
safe and comfortable in our environment.
A child that is loved right from the start grows up to be
a well-adjusted adult who in turn loves unconditionally. Love is all about emotions that we feel; the
different levels of emotions we feel depend on who we are.
The following words that are used with love,
Communication, forgiveness, intimacy, respect, compassion, companionship, trust
and loyalty. These things are things
that should be present when one loves another. A healthy love - that will
survive anything. Above all else is
friendship.
Needless to say all these words apply to any love, so
what makes romantic love the thing we as people seek?
UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE; where love is given no matter what. It does not matter how many times another
person disappoints us, or embarrasses us, or hurts us to the core; that love is
there forever.
SELFLESSNESS is the
underlying theme of existence. It’s the glue that holds the world together, and
it is, in fact, what we mean by the term ‘love’. Indeed, if we consider
religious terminology, the old Christian word for love was ‘caritas’, which means charity or giving or selflessness;
ADMIRATION
1. a feeling
of wonder, pleasure, or approval.
2. the act of looking on or contemplating with
pleasure:
admiration
of fine paintings.
3. an object of wonder, pleasure, or approval:
The
dancer was the admiration of everyone.
To me
admiration does not fall into the word category for love. To have admiration for another, because of
who they are, what they overcome and what they do in their lives does not make
us loved by them or even the reverse. I
would say if someone says to you that they still admire you, that once they
loved you and they were waiting to be loved in return, but that never
happened. Either they stopped loving or
they started to pretend that did not feel that way anymore. To truly love, is to have that person still
around, to be able to participate in that person life, even if they just on the
outskirts.
LOYALTY
With your partner you would want to be faithful to
him or her in every way possible.
Loyalty goes beyond fidelity.
Loyalty includes being honest about your thoughts and feelings and being
committed to your partner.
One cannot be loyal to a partner if one is not
honest with oneself. When you disloyal
to your partner, you’re just fooling yourself.
You have to be transparent, hones and loyal to yourself in order to be
loyal to your partner.
Loyalty includes emotional fidelity. One does not physically have to cheat to be
disloyal to a partner. If you flirt with
another, or falling for someone else, your are being unfaithful to your
partner.
Loyalty means never hiding anything from your
partner.
Loyalty means sharing everything with your
partner.
Loyalty means never telling white lies.
Loyalty means staying with your partner through
sickness and health, in good times and bad times. Be the solid rock that your partner can
always count on, no matter what!
IDEOLISED PERCEPTION
We all have an idea what love should be and when we
actively seek romance and try to force a relationship, they will rarely work
out the way we want them to. We then
feel unwanted, hurt and disheartened.
Love comes when we stop looking for it. It just happens!
COMPANIONSHIP
Trust is very essential with companionship and
trust must be there for good sex. Sex is
never as good as when there is love.
After sex a feeling that something is missing, something is not quite
right, when love is not present.
To be a truly loving, a relationship would need to
work on a number of levels. Spiritually,
mentally, physically and emotional. They
are all woven and balanced with caring and companionship.
Companionship can be better than sex ……………..
NURTURING
A relationship cannot work on its own to survive. It needs care and nurturing of two adults,
giving in a way that creates a mutual beneficial connection.
Communication falls under nurturing. The more you communicate, the closer you will
be.
Walking out that door without working on the
problem will not lead to happiness.
Doing things together, that brings enjoyment. What you both like doing and can do it
together.
Sharing difficult times with your partner and
making self-correcting moves and involve your partner.
Compliment your partner, give emotional support and
make sure you there no matter what.
Share goals and dreams, working together to achieve
them.
Have the desire to be together. Desire each other. If the spark has gone, there are ways to rekindle
it. All one has to do is try.
Wither the storms together with compassion,
acceptance and forgiveness.
That is what a relationship is all about!
Experiencing different things will bring a couple
together. Make the bond stronger.
TOLERANCE
Put up with the other partner. This can be it is very difficult.
Retaliation is not a very good thing. It causes so much hurt.
Manipulation is something; we humans are a master
at this. We use guilt, disappointment,
fear and anger.
Admit to mistakes and let go of their
mistakes. Try some understanding it goes
a long way and brings more joy into ones live.
ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance of others can be much easier than accepting
ourselves. Accepting ourselves can help
us accept traits and quirks in our partners.
SELF COMPASSION
This can help us enhance our relationship with
others and especially with our romantic partners
BOUNDARIES
Setting up boundaries was considered a bad thing. To define a boundary, “the line where I end
and someone else begins”. When the
boundaries are clearly defined and respected, one does not need to put up walls. In a healthy relationship the partners “ask
permission”, take the others feelings into account, show gratitude and respect
differences in opinion, perspective and feelings.
In less than healthy relationships, partners assume
that their partner feels the same way they do.
They ignore the fact that is violating their partner’s boundaries.
Boundaries are very critical especial in a romantic
relationship. The reason is partners
inhabit each other’s most intimate spaces, including physical, emotional and
sexual.
Communicate your boundaries that
work and don’t work.
When
another person says they love you, what does it mean?
I guess
in order to understand love, one has to recognise there is many different loves,
and depending on the person, how deep and true it goes.
A woman
saying to a man that she loves him does not necessary mean that it is a sexual
love and that she wants to stay with him forever. She could mean it as loving just as a friend.
A man
that says he loves a woman is prompted to say so as he is physically attractive
to her and has a sexual relationship with her.
Love for
our children and our parents
Love between
siblings
Love
between family members
Love for
animals ( I mean the 4 legged variety and not the 2 lol)
Romantic
Love – between two people or opposite sex or same sex
ATTACHMENT
Attachment theory is a psychological model that attempts to
describe the dynamics of long-term and short-term interpersonal
relationships between
humans. However, "attachment theory is not formulated as a general theory
of relationships. It addresses only a specific facet": how human beings
respond within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones, or
perceiving a threat.
There is danger when attachment is regarded as true love.
I have noticed that people are scared to be alone,
that they will settle for second best instead of waiting for the right person
to come alone. I know we don’t know when
this is going to happen that means that we need to socialize and have people
around us that are just friends. Have a life to live, places to go, friends to
visit, hobbies and become all-rounder.
The main problem is people look for someone to
complete them but in reality if we are lacking in ourselves, we cannot give
completely in a relationship like we should.
We first need to work on ourselves so that being alone is something we
don’t think anything wrong with.
We all need to feel special and that is just not
one in a relationship. The little things
can break or make a relationship. Most importantly we need to make the other
person feel very special.
I do know this that any relationships, wither is
between siblings, friends and especially romantic love, have to be worked on
continually. Both people in the
relationship are constantly changing, and both needs to keep on what is
occurring in the other person’s life.
Maybe we are unhappy with our selection, but
when something happens and we lose them.
We then realize what we have lost.
