They stay its good to get it of your chest

They say it’s good to get it of your chest.





I send Whats App to wish my sister a happy birthday.  She never responded until the following day. Her response was "thank you".
I know that things are happening in both our lives.  Some not of our own making and others of our own making................
My sister lost her husband to cancer; I could never imagine how this feels like.  Her whole world must have felt like it had ended.  I guess I was or am jealous of the love they shared, that he loved her and their children very, very much.  No I am not saying that they had a wonderful life.  They must have had their ups and downs but they stuck it out together.
Be strong dear sister; remember the good in all things.  Remember that I always love you!!!
I have done some things earlier on in this year that was not very nice.  I wanted to make a point, but I think it backfired.  Yes it did back fire........... Cause the person involved is incapable of seeing above his own needs, his own insecurities.
Of cause retaliation was in the cards.  He contacted my sister, god knows what he said, but whatever it was, I don't think it was very nice.  This sister is not very forgiving, and will never forget anything that has happened in her life.  This does not apply to the better times in her life, but the worst times that have occurred.
This is something that I never did, I could have contacted his ex-girlfriend, his ex-wife, his children, his mother, but it was between me and him and nobody else.
Except, he never thought like this.  He even contacted my daughter's boyfriend on Facebook.
My daughter and her boyfriend thought him a raving lunatic.  What did my sister think?  Did his actions destroy a sister relationship that already was in the disaster area?
He even contacted my boss? Why? I was through this before when another person sent malicious emails to my boss.  After that, every day was hell, I did not even know if I would have a job still.  Until one day my boss came to the conclusion that this person was out to hurt me.  When I was aware that he contacted my boss, I phoned my boss and apologised.  He must have recalled the other time, and he was much more understanding than I could ever hope for.
He did later contact me, and he wanted an explanation of why I did what I did.  I doubt he really listened to what I was saying.  He told me that he had forgiven me, but would never forget, and promptly blocked me on Whats App.
No loss really, I guess we kind of project things on to people, that they kind, loving, supportive, loyal and when push comes to the shuff we learn that it was an illusion that we are our self are responsible for.
What he wanted was like a 15 day return policy with his relationships.  You know not go down the usual way of developing a beautiful loving relationship and by the end or before the 15 days return policy expired, he could cancel the sale.
People that really know me will know that I am beating around the bush and I have not really come up to what is really getting to me.  People shout at me for this tactic.
Don't ever deceive yourself that giving a person forgiveness, gives you a license to never forget what they have done.  With forgiveness there is healing, in other words with time, things start healing as ones memories become more faded with time, in other words it becomes a blur and what really went down is not remembered clearly anymore.
The first step in forgiveness is to forgive oneself! Cause no one is blameless, and there is usually two sides to a story.  Then only one can extend forgiveness to others, and moving on and forgetting is the best tonic.
What really bugs me that I can't tell others be wary of him, he will just break you and throw you aside when he has got his 15 days use before the refund policy is over and he can't back out of the deal.  He uses dating sites to pick up his next victims.  I guess his guests get free holiday accommodation and food for the exchange of casual sex, and when they leave, will never hear from him again.
I feel very sorry for him as he is looking for the one that will change is whole life, and probably support him when he retires.  That one that makes life worth living, that one that makes life have meaning.
That is just a fairy tale, one has to take chances and take risks in order to get the benefits and I see the relationships that have lasted, there is so much work, from both parties that go on, extremely hard work but I guess it’s really worth it, just to have that one person, that is above everyone else.
It would be wonderful to have a partner in my life, someone to love me, someone I can love.  Someone that would worry that I am not home yet.   Someone that shares everything with me, that nothing I can't share.
Relationships are usually built on sexual attraction, sexual gratification, and when sex is not in play, there is nothing left to hold it together.  People go head first into a relationship, sex first and expect the rest to follow.  More likely the rest will not follow, what’s the point?  After the object is met and sex is got, why the bother to get to know each other. Sad, very sad!!!
I have someone in my life.  No we have not met, but we have come to know each other.  And no even this kind of relationship is very hard.  We sure can fight, and swear and call each other names, yet we still together and yes we do have to forgive a lot, and yes we can't keep remembering the shitty stuff.  The bottom line is we there for each other; I guess he is more there for me than I am for him.  My life is ups and downs, sometimes more downs than up.  There is one thing my life would totally be fucked without him, He is the reason I want to get up in the morning and he is the reason I can sleep at night.  And my day starts really shitty if I don't hear from him in the mornings
I watched the film called the "octopus", it’s about this man whose wife has found another man and he decides to go to this hotel.  This hotel is like a dating site, where people found their soul mates, but they have 45 days to do so.  At the end of this time if they have been unsuccessful they will be transformed into animals.
For people that only watch movies on their rating, I don't think this movie would be rated very high.  One should watch it, it shows how desperate people become to have a loving partner in their lives and they are not left alone to face old age by themselves.  The movie is different and the cast has good actors.
Every relationship has its challenges.  It comes in different ways and forms.  I guess it test us to our limits and puts a strain on any relationship, it does not matter how wonderful a relationship it is, a single straw can break a camel’s back.  I know it’s only a saying, but what it means to me is that a relationship can go through some very difficult periods but it’s the stupid things that can end that relationship.  A simple sentence that is translate incorrectly and taken the wrong way, feelings of hurt and rejection following these words.  And all it required was to hash it out and clear the air.
The one night I returned home from work and found several people outside by the boxes that have the fuses that control the supply of electricity to the various houses.  Apparently in South Africa, they use the powder from these fuses to make a deadly drug, and they sell these drugs to the kids.  As a result there were two houses that did not have electricity, and they were wondering whom to contact.
They did contact the neighbourhood watch and these people got in contact with the municipality and the problem was resolved.  The neighbourhood watch came to my door and said I must be more aware as they are sure that these people stole the fuses so they later could launch an attack on me, as I am living alone.
I felt fear paralysing me, and the more I thought on it, this did not make logical sense, why did they not take out all the fuses until they got to the fuse that controlled the electricity for my house.  Fear is terrible thing to experience.
I decided fear would not become my prisoner, if they want to come let them, if it’s meant to be my time, then so be it.
People would say it’s the area I am staying in and I know it happens even in the rich areas of where I stay.
I also know that drugs are mostly responsible for what goes down.  People with young teenagers have lost their children through drugs.
Nobody can control the effects of drugs; drugs are the enemy that take control of one’s life.  When one takes this road, there is not really much hope of recovery.  It would be a life time of having a completely fucked up life.  It's not a solution to any problem, a few hours of bliss, to come crashing down, and losing everything one has in one’s life, work, home, friends and family, they all just disappear.
Advice for those who are travelling, or maybe one day thinking of travelling.  Remember to keep all travel documents up to date.  God knows if there is an emergency and you would have to travel at short notice and only to discover, oh shit, passport is outdated.  Educated yourself on the travelling requirements before booking and make sure you ask question.  Spend a few more rand on getting travel insurance, so if shit hits the fan, it would cost a nominal fee to reschedule the flights.
My daughter and her boyfriend made plans to visit my other daughter in the UK.  Her boyfriend was under the impression that he could travel out of South Africa, using his Portuguese passport.  Only to discover before the flight that it not allowed for South Africans to fly out of the country on a passport from another country.
It's been a very hard lessons for them both, a lot of stress that has made my daughter physically ill.  I can't imagine how he is feeling right now.  My daughter still went to the UK.   I just wish I could do more but I looked it up and there are no more emergency passports or temporary passports for South Africans.  It will take from a week to two weeks to get his new passport.  For South Africa that is amazing.  The Department of Home Affairs has a very good turnaround time.  Any way who of us as never made a mistake?  My love and my pray, go to them.  Stay strong and believe, everything will work out, never give in ..............Even if you think the situation is beyond your control, don't believe that, JUST DO IT!








I had a call from the security company that the alarm at my house went off.  They later phoned to say that the garage door was open and everything else seemed to be in order.  The only way that the garage door was open is if it had been broken into.   One of my work colleges went with me to check up with me.  He never asked if I required help, he just gave it to me.  Sometimes people shock me, because they do things without any rewards what’s so ever.  Sure enough the garage door look had been tampered with.  The security guard had closed the garage door.  I switched off the alarm, expecting to find when I opened them, to found that things had been stolen.  Everything was as I had left it.  I was thinking the words, thank God; it would have been a sit back to replace the lawn mower that is all that I seemed to be worried about, lol.
Again the fear set in.  Now I am not so lack with setting the alarm at night.  Making sure that everything is locked up for the evening.  One reason why I got slack in the evenings is when the alarm did go of at night; I would kind of have a panic attack.  Now I must just deal with it if it goes off and get the security company to come out and just check the place over.
It’s just something that I must learn to control, this terrible fear, and fear usually comes from the unknown, and how can I be hurt from the unknown, something that might never ever happen and if it does that I have the strength to cope with it and the people in my life that care enough to be there for me.








I have been living in this house for just over a year now and a couple of months.  I fall in love because of the garden.  It has an amazing garden, with tons of plants and some really amazing flowering plants.  It's so much different than living in a flat, it seems like everybody business becomes yours, and to be truthful I was not used to having other people basically living on top of me, so to say.  I was very unhappy living at the flat.  With the house I regained my freedom to my privacy and I don't have to put up with other people and how lazy they all are.
My debts are now my own and not everyone mine.  If the owners or tenants did not pay, then the municipality bill would not get paid, and then, even I that did pay on time every month, would have to face the fact that the electricity would be cut off by the municipality. The one time the electricity was off for several weeks.  So you can see why I was so happy to get out of that situation, and it was like everything was meant to be.  Sold the flat very quickly, and got another bond very fast.
Not long after settling in, I heard this cat cry by my front door.  This cat was soaked right through to the skin.  I took her in and dried her with a towel.  She was the first of the cats that would be coming to my home.  This cat came into my life when I need someone.  She is a calico cat and they are extremely loving and caring.  The ideal cat, for those who need a bit of love and attention.  Now I have 8 cats in total.  The last was a mother cat and her two kittens.  She decided to have her babies in one of the flower pots outside.  She is so temperamental, but again I never had an option.  She can be so loving, and so are the kittens.
I come to the point in the story, that the kindness of people totally over whelmed me.  I had just gone to the pets store to get 40kg of cat litter, and as I was leaving this woman arrived and she had cat food that she was giving as donations.  I asked if she knew of a place that I could buy cat food as cat food is very expensive, and you can imagine the amount of cat for that the cats and kittens eat in a month.
I told her why I needed to know where I could purchase cat food cheaper, the next thing she had donated over 12 packets of cat food.  A mixture of food for adults and kittens.  I got to my car, and I just broke down and cried.

I had come to a stage in my life that I had forgotten that people can be kind and generous and caring.  It kind of restored my believe in humans again.  That not all people are just thinking about themselves.  I must remember to continue this chain of giving.  It’s very rewarding to be able to give.